Meeting You
by asr135
Summary: AU set during s1… Rae doesn't see the gang the day she leaves the hospital, instead she meets Archie, she dates Archie, and her and Finn become close while she dates Archie. Thats the best I can explain it. Let me know what you think!
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been three weeks since I've been out, and my life is still as dull as yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that… Mom is on my back about getting out more, and when I brought it up in session today Kester agreed. But what they don't understand is I'm fine, I'm getting better. I got Tixie who I visit just about every day, and I do go to the record store occasionally, sure my life is dull, but it is comfortable._

_I could call Chloe, but what good would that do, we weren't the closest of friends before I went in to hospital, and frankly I'm scared what she would say if she found out, I know she'd treat me different, and see me as this fragile pet she would force herself to take care of. We haven't talked in almost 5 months, but I still care what she thinks of me._

_Kester says that's my problem, but it's normal to care what other people think. I. AM. NORMAL. _

"Oh bollocks even I can't believe that" Rae mumble as she slammed her diary closed.

She let out a long sigh before she jumped up from her desk chair and walk across her room to her mirror she paused for a moment staring at her own refection, before quickly flipping it over so she couldn't give herself a chance to register her reflection.

Rae smiled looking at the other side of the mirror which had a picture of Damon Albarn taped to it.

_I mean it is time Damon, I'm going to do it, it's time to get out there and meet real boys _

Coaching herself, she was determined as she turned her head to looking over at her phone on the nightstand by the head of her bed.

_All I have to do is call Chloe and I don't even have to tell her I could just run with that France thing mums been telling people._

"Nope" Rae mumbled as she fell back on her bed, she couldn't do it.

She reached over her head grabbing a pillow behind her and put it over her face, muting her grumble.

"Rae" her mom called from the hallway

"Yah" she called back muffled from the pillow, hearing her mom enter the room.

"Rae, can you-" her mom heisted "Rae what are you doing?" she asked

"I'm tricking my brain into thinking its night so I'll fall asleep and wake up tomorrow with it being one less day of the world saddest summer"

"Rae stop that," her mom hissed "I was wondering if you were doing anything?" Rae sat up throwing her pillow back behind her.

Rae looked at her "What do you think?"

"No" her mom answered

"Ding Ding Sherlock"

"No need to get snippy young lady, I need you to run down to the shop and get me some red cabbage"

"Now?"

"Yah if it pleases you, now would be nice" she persisted.

"Sure" Rae huffed.

"Perfect, grab some cash from my purse, its in the kitchen, she informed her as she left the room.

She threw on her leather jacket and black converse. She grabbed her book bag before she headed down stairs.

Rae run in the kitchen, getting the the money from her mum's purse.

"See you" Kareim said from the kitchen table causing Rae to jump. She kept forgetting he was here. When he wasn't all over Rae's mum, he just sat around it was sad, and the fact that he knew little to no english didn't help the fact she wasn't putting a effort to get to know him. Rae knew aha ever her mum and Kariem had would be over soon.

"See you Watson" she laughed to herself as she left the kitchen.

The store was only a couple blocks away, so it was a relatively short walking distance, she knew where to go it the store, she made it her mission to get in and out as quickly as possible, and was already heading to the check out. When it happened.

"Sorry" a voice apologized for doing nothing wrong.

"No I was my bad, I had my head down," She laughed as she raised her head apologizing to the stranger she knocked into and just about ran over.

_Oh. My. God._

Her eye's just about exploded when the met his. To describe this guy as sex god would be an understatement. She certainly didn't think they made it like him here in Lincolnshire. This guy was the fittest lad she's ever seen, he looked about her age, but she's never seen him before.

"You go before me" he gestured her to go first shaping her out of the trance he unawarely had her under.

She managed to get her feet to work, giggling like an idiot unable to conform if she said thank you or not since her brain has turned to mush, but didn't want to risk saying it twice so she stepped in front of him, nodding her head like a freak.

_Pull it together Rae!_

She continued to look back at him periodically, and it was clear he was staring at her, and she could now feel the heat traveling up her neck, as her cheeks burned. This was not something she was use to.

_H__e is looking at me. ME. I have no idea why, but I welcome it. Just say something. You can do it. Hi I'm Rae. Say it._

The cashier handed her back her change, and she turned to face him "Well, bye" she choked, she turned back around in horror, grabbing the grocery bag of the counter and slowly headed out the door.

_Smooth… really smooth._

"Hey" she turned, and saw the guy running after her "This might sound weird, but do you want to go out sometime?" Rae looked at him then around her to make sure he was actually speaking to her.

"Sorry, I should probably introduce myself first" he held out his hand "I'm Archie" He smiled.

"Hi, Archie" she grabbed hold of his hand "I'm Rae."

Well this definitely wasn't dull


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Diary,_

_So, I don't even now where to start… I think I have a boyfriend, I think Archie and me are like official! I know we've only been out twice, but this is it. It's a fresh start!_

_For our first date he took me to the leisure center... not that exciting, but it was still perfect. He took me after hours, and we just sat on the bleachers buy the pool and talked for hours. He's really into history, and wants to become some sort of historian, which is kind of a bore, but good lord I could listen to that boy talk for hours about a tooth brush, and I'd be fascinated... _

_Then yesterday he called and invited me out again, we went to this cafe. He wanted to go out to dinner, but I'm still not all that comfortable with the whole eating in front of people thing, so instead I suggested the coffee place (I don't really know why I despise coffee) all I got was some coffee-cciono thingy._

_We didn't talk to much about me, whenever he asked me something I would guide the question back to him, I was afraid if I talked to much I would slip and revile to much about me and ruin the little shot I already had. That's one thing about me is I talk too much, and if I wanted him to like me I need to play this just right..._

_After the cafe, he drove me home, and walked me to the door (right proper and all) when it happened! He kissed me good night. HE KISSED ME! _

_Was it awkward? Yes. The fact that I have zero experience in this sort of thing was obvious, but he's picking me up in an hour (where going to the record store) so he clearly didn't care that I wasn't all that experienced__._

"Good album" he held up a CD

"Great album" she looked at him with excitement "You like Blur?"

"Well I'm more of an oasis fan myself, but I quite like Parklife, it reminds me of this holiday I once had," he looks at Rae "that's weird, ain't it?" he laughed from the side of his mouth.

"No, definitely not wired" she smiled, and their eye's lingered.

_Maybe this is it. This really could be the real thing! Shit he looked away. Stop staring!_

"I love this song!" Rae exclaimed, as the music played around the store, pulling her eyes off him. Archie looked back up at her, cracking a grin, and fixing his glasses.

_Gush._

"Let's dance" he put down the CD, and grab Rae's arm pulling her towards him.

"Here?" Rae grinned, trying to resist his pull, looking around the store.

"Why not?" he pulled harder, and wrapped his arm around Rae's waist, which was causing her breath to hitch. This was more than out her comfort zone. She was ignoring the fact his hand was on her back touching her 'fat', but she couldn't ignore the fact that the other half a dozen people in the store were all watching them. She knew what they were all thinking.

_1. 2. 3. 4. 4. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10..._

She counted in her head to try to forget the other peoples judging eyes. Archie was oblivious to her current state and Rae wanted to keep it that way.

He flung out his arm out quickly to spin her, and that's when he sensed her discomfort. "Rae, are you okay" holding her by the hand dangling in the air.

"Yah-" she pulled her hand from his hand awkwardly "let's get out of here" she said aware of all the eyes still on them, and she made a bolt for the door.

"Where do you want to go?" he followed her out onto the sidewalk.

"Umm I don't know, any ideas?"

"Wanna go get a bite to eat?" he suggested

"No" she spat quickly

_Eating in public… no thank you._

"Well my mates are all headed to the pub, they're cool, you'd like them, it's not what you probably had in mind-"

"Let's do it" she smiled, and Archie grabbed hold of her hand settling her nerves.

"Everyone this is Rae" he introduced her to the three people sitting down "This is, Izzy, Chop, and Finn, my best mates" the all waved one by one greeting her.

"Where's Chloe" he asked sliding into the booth, Rae sat in the empty chair next to him.

"She'll be here in a bite" the bubble redhead Izzy answered.

"Want a drink lovely" Chop asked her

"No thanks, I don't drink" she winced, and began to study the new faces.

_Who knew there were cool people in Lincolnshire? First impressions they seemed pretty cool, Izzy was so cute. I've only known her for like an hour, but I can't imagine she'd have a negative thought about, well, anything. Then, there's Chop, he was funny, and he doesn't even go to school, he told me he works a some garage, and lastly Finn, he was just as fit or fitter then Archie, but his personality was that of a stick._

"Sorry I'm late" a hand hit Archie urging him to slide over, sitting down next to Rae.

_Oh shit. This isn't happening. _

"Chloe this is-"

"Rae?" Chloe looked at her shocked. "Oh my god!"

"Chloe" Rae smiled back meanwhile internally screaming.

"You two know eachother?" Finn asked.

"Yah, Rae's my oldest friend" she sat up and leaped forward giving Rae a hug "When did you get back?"

"Back from where" Izzy asked intrigued.

"France" Chloe answered for Rae, releasing her from the embrace.

"Umm last week"

"Why didn't you call me?"

"You know I've been busy. Stuff. Things. " she trailed off

"Why didn't you say you lived in France? How long?" Archie asked

"Four months" Rae tried to remain cool

"Wait." Chloe turned to Archie "Rae's the girl you've been seeing" Chloe look shocked, he nodded. "interesting" Chloe pondered..

"I'm going to get a drink" Finn excused himself from the table.

"So what was France like? I've always wanted to go" Izzy stated in awe.

"Umm I was visiting my uncle, I didn't really get out much, ya know,"

"You were there for four months and didn't see anything" Chloe sounded suspicious

"Still cool" Archie insured her.

"Did you-" Chloe started

"Oh, this music is doing me in, I'm going to go put something else on" Rae stood up needing a moment alone before her head exploded.

"Wait, here's 20p" Archie smiled, sliding the coin to her across the table.

"Thanks" Rae smiled, blushing from the touch of his hand as she got up and headed towards the jukebox.

_Of course Chloe is friends with them… just perfect. This is where things get really interesting… I was going to have to face her eventually but I was not expecting this._

She made her way over to the jukebox, closing her eyes to catch her breath. When she opened her eyes a body was sliding between her and the jukebox.

"Oi, excuse you!" Rae snared as Finn turned slightly looking over his shoulder, looking almost as if he was annoyed by her presence "I was standing here about to pick a song-" he continued to ignore her "-I'm sorry are you daft or just rude?"

"Sorry May," he continue to chose a song "-but you'er gonna have to wait a couple minutes to play the spice girls" he turned with a smirk on his face, as Spaceman by Babylon Zoo played.

_He's making fun of me, and he has put on the worst song ever._

"First of all it's Rae-"

"May, Rae, whatever" he cuts her off, and left her standing alone, as he went to the bar to get another snake bite.

"Seriously" her eyes followed watching in disbelief at him ordering at the bar, before her feet followed just as swiftly.

"Why did you lie?" he asked while he turned, which caught Rae of guard as she bumped into him. She stepped a few paces back while he leaned against the bar facing her.

"Excuse me?" she scowled having no idea what he was going on about.

"Back there why did you lie about France?" He said point blank sipping from his glass, and Rae's stomach dropped.

_I've never seen this guy before, how does he know? He can't know._

"I don't know what you're talking about" she tried to remain calm

"You said to Chloe you've been home for a week" he waited.

_I've been out for almost four weeks, but I told Chloe one so she wouldn't question why I didn't call her. But how would he know that!_

"I have" she said flustered placing her hand on her hip trying to show some type of confidence in her response.

"You lied-" he looked at her waiting for her to elaborate, but she just continued with this awkward stance refusing "-Look I saw you down at the record store last week. Archie's my best mate and I got to look out for him"

_Record store? Fuck._

"You're not going to say anything are you?" she begged, but he left without saying another word heading back to the table.

"For you" the bar tender held a drink for Rae.

"Sorry I didn't order anything"

"No, but that guy did" he nodded over at the table, she looked over at Finn who was staring at her, not even bothering to looking away when she caught him.

_Ugh He's such a smug prick, he's going to say something, and he's going to ruin everything… God I fucking hate this song!_

She downed the snack bite before she returned to the table.


	3. Chapter 3

"Then what happened?"

_I went back to the table, played nice with Chloe guiding the conversation away from France as quickly as I could without looking like a mad idiot, avoid that dickhead Finn, luckily it seemed he was keeping his distance from me as well, prayed he wouldn't open his mouth, and for the rest of the night I was focused on making sure Archie and the others couldn't notice the mental break down happening inside my head, which was all momentarily forgotten when Archie dropped me home and kissed me good night, which i can only describe as breathtaking... _

"Rae?" Kester encouraged.

"I sat back down and Archie dropped me home?" she answered bluntly, shifting in the chair.

She knew he wouldn't let that be the end of it. Rae was starting to actually enjoy her sessions with Kester. They were beginning to become somewhat friends, but she hated the moment when he flipped the switch to full on therapist mode, and she had to mental prepare herself for the match that was about to start.

"You didn't talk to Chloe?"

"No, not privately anyway" she began to nervously fiddle with her hands.

"Do you plan to?" he asked leaning forward in his chair.

"Nope" she said with certainty. Kester didn't say anything, but his look on his face was encouraging her to continue.

"Why should I drag her down with my shit?" She sneered reluctantly "When people find out you're different they tend to treat ya different, try to fix ya, put you down, and I don't want them to treat me like I'm something fragile" she honestly confessed.

"Why do you think you'll be treated you different?"

"It's just what people do isn't it?" she shrugged. "I can get better on my own I don't need their help"

"Telling them is not a cry for help, you've already got help - it's just a method of reaching out and hopefully feeling less alone. You'd be happier knowing-"

"I'm happy" Rae insisted as she cut him off "at least I was for a sliver of a second" she stammered, as her head began to hang low.

"Why do you think that is?" Kester feel back in his chair.

"I don't know? No one was judging me, I guess. I didn't know Archie or the others before everything, so I could just be Rae, then Chloe came in and reminded me of all this shit I got" Her voice was shaky "I'm not ready to tell people, I'm not ready to be judged" she looked back up at him .

"The way I see it they are already judging you."

"What do you mean?" she looked at him confused

"Everything you're afraid of happening is all just 'what if'- it's all in your head, but even if it's in your imagination they still criticize you, but by not telling them you're not giving them a chance to prove you wrong"

"What if they don't?" she gulped fiddling with her thumbs.

"Rae, you shouldn't feel 'lesser' for experiencing a human condition. This is about being honest about something that a lot of people deal with. So talk to Chloe, or Archie, someone you can trust. People can surprise you. I did" he smiled assuring her.

* * *

Usually she went to visit Tix after her session, but today she just wasn't up for it, plus she had plans with Archie and the others tonight. Which she also didn't feel up for. She knew Ketser had a point and that pissed her off. She took her frustration out on the door as she left the hospital, forcefully pushing open, not noticing the body on the other side, she heard a cry as she felt the door hit the person on the outside.

"Shit, I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention – actually that's been happening to me a lot lately" she rambled on

_Oh bollocks._

Finn stood up straight and Rae noticed the mark the door left on the side of his face. Instinctively, she reached out to his aide placing her hand over his clenched jaw, but here her hand only touched him for a moment before he quickly jumped away from her "Don't you look were you're going?" he snapped

"I could say the same to you" she snapped right back at him with no hesitation. "How's your face" she asked with a softer tone. He looked at her with question. Rae couldn't tell if he was mad about the situation, or if he just hated her in general, and honestly it seemed like she was a stranger, maybe he didn't recognize her.

_He can't be that daft._

"It's me, Rae, Archie's-" she wasn't sure what to call herself, because they haven't really talked about that yet "-girlfriend" she said out loud, it felt wired, but she couldn't help smiling a little, she bit her lip to hid it.

"Yah I know" he glared at her, causing her smile to fall.

_He just agreed so that means Archie called me his girlfriend, but he's probably agreeing with the fact he knew who I was..._

"So whacha doing here?" She said trying to be friendly, she wasn't sure what to say this guy.

"I'm just visiting my Nan, how 'bout you?" he asked very stand offish.

_What is his problem? It's like talking to me is a chore for him. Yes, I just hit him in the face with a door he's acting like I shot him or somthin'._

"Long story" she answered, and he looked at her confused, like he wanted her to elaborate, but she wasn't about to do that, so they both just stood there not sure what to say. They weren't friends, the most they really knew about each other were there names, and she still wasn't sure if Finn actually knew her name wasn't May. At best she could call him an acquaintance, if that.

"Okay, I'll see ya around" he began to walk. Finn knew she lied and he didn't say anything. Rae wanted to keep it that way, until she had time to figure out what, or how she would tell Chloe, Archie, and the others.

"Wait" she stopped him "I just want to make sure you're not going to tell anyone that I lied to Chloe. I know it sounds weird, and it doesn't really make a lot of sense, but I'm not out to hurt anyone especially Archie, honest. I really like him" she tried to make somewhat of a case.

"Don't worry" He started to walk again, she stopped him with her hand this time, and watched as his eyes drifted down to her touch, she took it as a signal to pull her hand away.

"Could you also keep out the fact I bumped into you here that would be swell" she stammered, as his eyes traveled back to hers.

"Why?"

"Like I said, long story." she forced smiled playing it off like it was nothing, thinking he'd smile along with her, but all she got from him was a familiar blank stare "You just have to trust me, I guess" she threw her hand in the air.

"I don't even know you" he doubted.

"Yah, but don't I look really trustworthy?" she joked, hitting him on the shoulder.

"Maybe" he began to leave, but not before she caught a smile as he stepped by her entering the building.

_A smile. An actual genuine human smile. Who would've thought that was possible._


	4. Chapter 4

_**Next chapter is when Rae and Finns relationship starts to form, so bare with!**_

As soon as Rae left the hospital she headed home, she felt optimistic that Finn wouldn't tell anyone what he knows. She was excited to start fresh, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to tell everyone, and she knew sooner was better then later.

When Rae got home she noticed two suitcases by the door. "Mom?" Rae called out, she went in to the kitchen trying to figure out what was happening.

"What's going on?" Rae asked Karim who came in the kitchen after her.

"Your Mum and me-" Karim stammered

"Karim" she heard her mom called form the stairs "Don't forget the camera." Linda ordered him.

_What?_

"Mom" she followed her moms voice.

"Oh Rae, finally you're back" she rejoiced.

"Can you explain to me what's going on are we going somewhere?" she asked.

"Yes. Well no. Karim and I are. You're not" she said bluntly and Rae followed as Linda ran into the kitchen

"When did this happen?" Rae asked even more confused

"Rae there is a problem with immigration and we got to leave the country" Linda stated like she was informing Rae she was heading to the store.

"Wait, slow down, for how long?"

"Just for a couple of days"

"And you're just leaving me here alone?" Rae questioned in disbelief, and excitement.

"Well yah, is that okay?" Linda stopped rushing and looked at Rae with concern "Are you okay with that, I can ask Msr. Dewhurst to come and stay if you don't want to be alone"

"No" Rae assured quickly "I don't need a babysitter"

"Okay, Karim get the bags to the car"

"Bye. Rae" Karim waved goodbye

"You're leaving now?" Rae waved back

"Yes" Linda quickly gave Rae a peck on the cheek "I left some 'just in case' money on the counter, I love you, be good, no parties, no boys, I'll see you in a couple days, I love you, be good." she babbled on as she left the house until the door was closed.

Rae made her way to the kitchen window to see if they actually left, waiting until the car was no longer in sight.

_Now what?_

* * *

Rae now had freedom to do what ever she wanted which meant instead of listening to music and reading in her room, she could do it in her living room. She was waiting for Archie to call because she was supposed to hang out with him tonight, and it didn't take long for him to actually call.

"Hello" Rae answered

"Hey Rae it's Archie"

"Hi" Rae instantly began feeling butterflies at the sound of his voice.

"Hi" Archie said again with a soft laugh, there was a comfortable silence for a moment "Right, me and the gang are going to head down to the swan in and hour or so, want to join?" he asked

"Yah"

"Great, I'll pick you up, there's something I want to ask you"

"Perfect, I'll see you then" she tried not to sound to eager, biting her lip.

"See yah" She waited for Archie to hang up before she slid down the wall, pulling the phone down with here.

_This is it! He wants to be official!_

Rae sat happily on the wall, she even pinched herself at one point to make sure it was all real. She felt high, much happier then earlier. A few minutes later the doorbell rang, she stood up and headed over. She assumes its Mrs. Dewhurst just checking in.

"Chloe" she was surprised to see her standing there when she opened the door "What are you doing here?"

"Can't I come around to see my best friend" she smiled "Am I intruding, or can I come in?" Chloe insisted already entering her home.

"No. Yah of course" Rae stepped out of the way.

"Wow, this is so weird I haven't been here in forever," Chloe began to survey the area "It looks exactly the same. Is your mum home?" she asked

"No, she's out of town for a couple days" Rae said nervously following Chloe to the living room.

"So, you have the house to yourself?" Chloe's mouth dropped with excitement, Rae nodded.

"Cool" Chloe took off her coat and threw it on the couch.

"So what's up?" Rae asked

"You've been gone for months I've missed you, and we didn't get much time to catch up last night"

_You didn't seem to miss me when you shut me out…_

"Are you heading down to the pub?" Rae wanted to guide the conversation away from the past.

"Yah I was heading down after I visited you, why are you going?" She perked up

"Archie's picking me up in an hour" Rae bite her lip in anticipation

"Oh cool, I might as well get a ride with you to and hang out here in the meantime"

* * *

_This is weird it's actually starting to feel like old times, it's weird how quickly that happens, I missed talking to Chloe, and gossiping about nothing, music, boys…_

"You and Archie make a cute couple-" Chloe looked over at Rae, they were sitting next to each other on the ground leaning against the couch,"-I'm happy you found someone that likes you"

"Thanks" Rae ignored the fact that it sounded like Chloe was a little shocked "Are you seeing anyone?"

"I was, but it is over like really, really over" Chloe emphasized

"What happened?"

"Doesn't matter, it was all just a complicated mess, the worst part was not having my best friend" Rae could hear the honestly in here voice, but she could tell she was trying to remain chill. That was Rae's favourite thing about Chloe was that she was such a strong person.

"Chloe I'm sorry, do you want to talk about it"

"No, I'm over it, besides I have set my sites on Finn" she nudged Rae.

"Why?" Rae laughed

"Because he's super fit Rae, have you see the boy" Chloe smirked

"Yah, I know, and I don't really know the guy, but he seems like such a grumpy sod, don't he?"

"He gets better the more you get to know him" Chloe reassured her.

"I won't put my money on it yet" they both laughed, as the laughter tricked down in silence Rae thought maybe it was time to tell Chloe about what happened, where she really was, and what she did to herself.

"Chloe?" Rae could feel her heart begin to pound.

"Yah" Chloe looked over at her.

"I want to tell you something" she heisted "about France" Rae mumbled

"What is it?" Chloe's face was mixed with worry and question, Rae could tell Chloe knew something was up.

"See-" the doorbell rang, and Rae let out a sigh of relief "that's Archie," Rae stood up quick.

_Saved by the bell_

"Rae what were you going to say?" Chloe said concerned, as she got up

"It's not important, I'll tell you another time" Rae forced a smile

"Yah, alright" Chloe smiled back.

"Let's go" Rae lightly pushed Chloe, urging her to walking, which seemed to bring back the happier atmosphere there before.

* * *

"Sorry for third wheeling your guys' little drive" Chloe was sitting in the back seat poking her head up to the front.

"It's Alright Chlo" Archie laughed

"So-" Chloe smirked at Rae, and Rae knew what Chloe was going to do, and tried to stop her with her eyes, but Chloe continued, "-are you two like together, together?" She probed

"Haven't really talked about it Chloe" Rae pushed her back in her seat.

"Yes" Archie answered keeping his eyes on the road.

"Yes?" All Rae's thoughts stopped at that moment.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about"

"You want to be official" Rae wanted to confirm that they were on the same page.

"Yah" he smiled quickly looked over at her before looking back at the road

"Oh god" Chloe laughed "that must have been the least romantic thing to have ever happened" Chloe said in disbelief.

"Shut up Chloe" Rae and Archie said in unison, before the three of them broke out in laughter

* * *

Rae and Archie walked hand in hand into the pub, with Chloe in tow, they sat down with the gang, and Rae took the moment in.

_I'm a part of this gang. I have a gang._

Chloe and Chop went to the bar to get drinks, while Archie and Izzy were going on about something. Finn sat there with a sour look on his face, rolling a cigarette. She noticed no lasting damage to his face from thier earlier run in "You alright Finn" Rae asked, remembering that Chloe said he just needs warming up.

"Suppose so" he didn't look up keeping his eye on the tobacco.

_I'm dating his best friend. Would it kill him to be friendly?_

"I'm fine by the way" she snapped, they quickly locked eye contact, before Chloe and Chop returned with the drinks. Finns eye's were unreadable.

"Rae I heard you have an empty" Chop clapped his hands as he sat down.

"Oh, and how did you hear that" Rae glared over at Chloe, who just smiled over innocently.

"A little birdy, so are you having a party?" Chop encouraged

"No" She chuckled bluntly.

"Come on, it won't be just any kind of party, it will be a sexy party" he exclaimed

"What's a sexy party?" Finn looked at him confused

"Well it's just like a regular party, but everyone just sleeps over at the end" Chop explained

"So a sleep over then" Archie laughed

"I like it" Izzy said excited

"No. No, no parties. Sexy or otherwise" Rea stood her ground.

They gang settled down and then conversation change, Archie leaned over whispering in her ear "Maybe we could have an exclusive sleepover"

_Oh. My. God._


	5. Chapter 5

Rae was visiting Tix, they always hung out in the bathroom. It started because Tix would go have to go after she ate, for reasons they both left unspoken, but it quickly became there hangout spot. Rae like it because it was an instant escape from the setting of the hospital, the green walls and doctors were all a constant reminder to her she is crazy.

Rae was filling Tix in about everything, about Archie, and the gang, Chloe, and Archie again. "Tix this is it, this could be the real thing" Rae said giddy, almost bursting from her skin. She had made plans for Archie to come over tonight and they were probably going to do it.

"I'm happy for you Rae, but I'd be nervous" she said with a mixture of honesty and concern.

"Tix" Do you know how bad I want this to happen" Rae laughed

"But are you ready for it?" Tix questioned

"Ah yah" Rae seemed sure.

"Think about it, he's going to see you naked tonight, like everything. I would be nervous." Tix added

_Oh. Shit._

* * *

Rae quickly went home and without a second thought she tossed on a pair of sweats, her sneakers, and sweat shirt. It was nearly 20 degrees, but she read the more you sweat the more weight you lose. She needed a quick fix.

She took a deep breath at the end of her driveway, and set off. It was harder than she thought it would be, people always made it look so easy, She was 10 minutes in and very proud of herself she was still going. She felt the burn.

_Oh Fuck._

Rae noticed Big G and his gang on bikes heading towards her, she admittedly turned around and headed the other direction, but it didn't take long before they caught up to her, already throw slurs at her.

"Please piss off" She desperately pleaded with them

"What's wrong Jabba" they continued. She figured it's best to just let them take a piss maybe finally they would get it out of their system, they hopped off there bikes and surrounded her "Jabba, you think a run will help you look good" all there voices blurred together, the sudden feeling of self-defeat hit her like a ton of bricks. She shut her eyes, as tight as she could, hanging her head low trying not to give them a satisfaction of a reaction. Trying her very best not to let them see her cry.

_1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 -_

"It's alright taking a piss out of a girl is it" her eyes popped at the sound of the familiar voice. She watched in disbelief as Finn punched Big G, Rae mouth feel open steeping back gasping for air. Big G put up a bit of a struggle before Finn had him in his grasp "You apologize to her right now or else" Finn warned clenching his jaw.

"I'm sorry" Big G cried and Finn tossed him aside like the trash he was.

"That goes for you two twats as well" he ordered the other two to apologize.

Rae stood there watching as the three scum picked up there bikes repeating "sorry" until they disappeared in the distant.

"You alright?" Finn asked breathless. She was afraid to look at him, she was to embarrassed, but when she turned her head to face him it wasn't an expression pity written she had expected, but instead he looked genuinely concern about her.

Rae was speachless and just nodded her head. That was enough for both of them, and he nodded back before he turned and walked away without another word.

* * *

Rae walked home in a haze after what happened.

_Chloe was right, she did have Finn all wrong… _

When she entered her house she noticed the mail was delivered while she was out, and everything that just happened all became a distant memory when she noticed a postcard from her dad.

He left when she was little, but a couple of times a year he would send her a postcard, there was never a return address, but it was nice to know he was thinking about her.

**_Dear Rae,_**

**_Just wanted to drop you a card to say I was thinking of you._**

**_Stay out of trouble!_**

**_Lots of love, Dad_**

**_P.S. He who is dishonest only ever lies to himself, the truthful path is the only path that leads to happiness._**

She smiled to herself, and laid the card on the table realizing the time. She still needed to get a shower and get ready before Archie came over. She ran up stares and hopped in the shower.

When she stepped out she took the dreaded steps to the scale and nothing was different. She looked across the bathroom in the fogged mirror at her blurred image, and realized she needed to be honest with herself and admit she wasn't ready to have sex with Archie. She couldn't even look at her naked body unless the mirror was fogged.

So, she through on her house coat and went to the phone.

"Hello"

"So, how exactly do you throw a sexy party?" Rae pulled the phone from her ear at the sound of Chops scream.

She couldn't tell Archie about her inscurities, so she thought the next best thing would to just make it impossible for anything to happen.

* * *

The doorbell rang, the gang were just in timeRae was sitting on the chesterfield, leaping up to greet them at the door. After the phone call Chop organized everything, she tried calling Archie but he didn't answer, and Chop said he would give him a try.

One by one they all entered, Izzy, Chop, Chloe, and Finn. She kept her eyes on Finn and he waited behind the gang as everyone said there hellos and exchanged hugs. She needed to talk to him because she didn't get a chance to proper thank him for earlier and she felt bad.

"How's your hand?" Rae asked as the rest of the gang disappeared into the living room.

"I'll survive" he smiled.

"Thanks" she bite the inside of her mouth.

"Anyone would have done the same you know" playing it off, but Rae noticed his face becomig crimson.

"No, they wouldn't have" Thier eyes lingered for a moment until broken apart from the racket from the others in the living room "Let me help you with those" she grabbed some bags from his hands and lead him to the kitchen.

They worked in silence unbagging the Alcohol and snacks he was carrying. "Hey," he spoke up shy full "I wanted to say I'm sorry I was a bit of a dick when we first met - I just didn't know you were sound that's all" He grined and looked over at her

"Well I didn't know I was so sound" Rae laughed lowering her head hiding the brightness now on her cheeks. Finn leaned in squinting his eyes and began studying her face.

"What" she looked confused hiding her face in her shoulder.

"I can almost see your head getting bigger from that complement"

"Shut up" she hit him the chest jokingly, and they continued to unbag the rest of the food.

"The way I see it, you're dating my best mate so we need to get on"

"And how do you suppose we do that?" she laughed

"Starting at square one" he proposed smiling, holding out his hand "Hi, I'm Finn Nelson" urging her to take it.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Rae" she played along with his little game

"What was? That did you say Mae?" he teased and they both laughed looking at each other.

"Where's Archie?" she suddenly noticed his absence, and felt a wave of guilt for not noticing sooner.

"He's not coming" Finn looked at her confused, like he knew something she didn't

"What?"

"He didn't tell you"

"No"

"Oh I wouldn't worry about, when I called to see when he was heading over here, he said something came up, I'm sure it's nothing"

"Yah, you're probably right" Rae forced a smile, looking down. She was suddenly distracted by a note her mom left.

**_Rae be good, love you_**

**_-mum_**

"Coming out" Finn asked as he headed out of the kitchen, she looked up at him.

"Yah, I'll be out in a minute I'm just going to set up in here" she went back concintrating on the note again

She lifted the empty bags searching for the postcard from her dad. When she got hold of it she held it side by side with the note from her mum. Her heart dropped. The writing was identical.

_She lied to me… So much for a truthful path mum._


	6. Chapter 6

**_I don't know, this chapter is all over the place…_**

"Rae!" Chloe and Rae made their way over to each other as people were starting to arrive and it was a lot more than what Rae had expect.

"Chloe what is this? who are all these people?" Rae does a double take at every stranger that walks by "I don't know any of these people. Do you?"

"I'm going to do it tonight," Chloe ignored her questioned

"Do wha?"

"I think I'm going to make my move on Finn, what do you think?" she asked hopefully

"Yah" Rae answered, but she was distracted looking threw the crowd of people for Chop "Sorry Chloe I'll be back in a sec"

Rae rushed over to Chop once she spotted him "Chop" She hit his shoulder "Who are all these people" she questioned putting both hands on her hip, until she realized she probably lousy resembles her mother.

"My friends" he shrugged

"I can't have all these people here"

"Don't worry about"

"Chop!" She begged him to do something

"Look" he took a drink out a random guys hand walking by "Drink this and forget it all, have fun" He yelled the last part and everyone around cheered. She stared at him in disbelief and looked in the cup, surrounded by a bunch of people shouting "Chug, Chug, Chug" so she tossed it back.

"That's my girl" Chop hollered over at the crowd

_Chops right tonight I'm going to forget all about it. Forget Archie bailed… forget I can't look even look at myself… forget my mum lied to me all these years… and forget her dad is a deadbeat asshole who has never cared about me…_

* * *

As the night progresses Rae was more than a little drunk. Usually she had a system, when she felt her mouth began to feel numb she knew it was time to stop. Tonight she had abandoned that system, and was well passed face numbness two drinks ago. She went into the kitchen and grabbed another beer, and began chugging it.

"Don't you think you should slow down" Finn teased, Rae pulled the can away from her mouth and studied him for a moment.

_Wow did I peg him wrong, he was quiet and moody, but to do what he did for me today, he has to be kind…_

"Thanks again for today," she slurred with a huge grin on her face "You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say you're stalking me" she whispered.

"Stalking is such an ugly word, I like to call it obsessive shadowing" he joked walking to the sink getting a glass of water, she followed closely in tow "Here" he held out the glass for her to take. "You need it" she went to finished off her beer before she took the water, but he grabbed the can from her hand before it reached her mouth and replaced it with the water.

"But think about it," she pondered "you're always there, you saw me at the record store and you remembered me, even though I didn't remember you." and you were at the hospital the other day, and today at the park" she continued to point out" sipping back the water.

"Well, today I finished football and I cut through the park to get home. I visit my nan at the hospital every day, and unlike me you're pretty rememberable" his bite his lip, hanging his head low trying not to let Rae see him blushing again, but she did "I don't know maybe it's fate, we keep bumping into each other" He laughingly joked. She never really looked at Finn before, yes she noticed he was fit, but she never noticed he had the kindest eyes, and the little wrinkles he got around them when he smiled.

"Fate" Rae liked the way it sounded on her tonged. "Fate. Fate. Fate"

"What are we talking about?" Chloe joined them.

"Fate, Chlo" Rae wrapped her arm around Chloe's shoulder, giving her a sloppy kiss on the check, "You can't fight it" She looks at Finn whose eyes were focused on her "and with that I will leave you two alone" Rae stuttered, walking away.

She looked back at Chloe and Finn talking and Rae felt that unwelcome pit in her stomach. Jealousy.

_I have a delicious boyfriend, I like Archie, Chloe likes Finn, Finn did one nice thing but he is a grumpy sod with a pretty face, and that is that. _Rae reminded herself as she downed the glass of water Finn had poured for her, and headed to the living room to find something with alcohol.

She was pleased to see the crowd of people were beginning to thin out, but her living room was a mess and she already dreaded that she had to wake up tomorrow to clean it.

"You coming Rae?" Chloe asked and Rae turned quickly to see a group of them head up stairs.

"Pardon?"

"Upstairs we're playing spin to the bottle" Izzy jumped excited.

"I better not, Archie's not here, it would be weird" she felt her heart pounding watching as Finn disappeared up the stairs, and she felt her stomach flip.

_What is happening? Stop it! _

"Screw Archie, it's just a game you would play if he was here" Izzy reasoned

"Come on don't be a bore" Chloe exclaimed

"Fine" Rae caved quickly.

* * *

Chop gathered a bunch of them, as everyone sat in a circle in Rae's room, she sat between Izzy and Finn. Chop began to explain the rules.

"Chop," Izzy interrupted "think we all get it. Spin and Kiss"

The game began, and dragged on. Rae was focused on everything but what was happening in front of her, she was still tipsy, but could feel herself start to sober up, and found herself distracted about everything, it was like her thoughts were a football be kicked around in her head.

"You know he only organizes things like this so he can get off with someone"

_'honesty is the truthful path' that bitch lied to me about my dad for ten years. Ten fucking years. She made me believe my dad was thinking about me._

"Rae"

_and Archie, why the hell did he not show up tonight? Why didn't he call me? Maybe he was mad that I turned tonight into a party, which is just childish… so fuck him._

"Rae?" Finn barked

"What?" she turned to Finn put off by his tone.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

"Chill out I couldn't hear yah" she hissed, and he backed off.

_Then there was this guy, it was normal to find him attractive, especially after he rescued me, but I'm probably going to need to be careful and keep my distance. Not that he would be attracted to me anyway, and not that I care about that he would be or not… I wish Archie was here._

"Okay new rule, couples have to go in the landing cupboard for a minute, no exceptions." Chop dictated. The bottle has yet to land on her, and she hadn't really expected it to, and she didn't want it to.

"Finn" Chop called as landed on him, and Rae looked up from her drink, finding herself have to force herself to laugh along with the others. "Now who with?" Chop spun the bottle again, as the spins got slower Rae just didn't care anymore, this is just a juvenile game, and she should just get up and walk away, tell everyone to leave and just be alone for a moment. Nothing about this was enjoyable. Nothing.

_Oh fuck._

"Raemondo" the whole crowd cheered as she peered into the dark abyss of bottle head pointing at her. "To the closet of lust" Chop ordered

"No" she shook her head "No, I'm out I'm not playing"

"Sorry no exceptions. Rules are rules" Chop laughed and she wanted to slap him in this moment.

Rae looked at Chloe "Go it's just a game" she assured her.

Rae got up and followed Finn, the walk seemed longer than it was, and watched Finn opened the door to the landing cupboard and walked in, she followed and he closed the door. Drowning out the screams and cheers from outside.

He was right there, his face was only millimetres from hers. She looked at his eyes again, and began to noticed other things, like his cologne, the smell CK one was distracting. She was nervous.

_Why am I nervous? I shouldn't be nervous._

"Rae" Finn whispered, he leaned in close enough, for her eyes to instinctively flick to his lips, she could to feel his breath on hers. She slowly looked up to him, hoping he couldn't hear the pounding of her heart that felt like it was about to jump out of her chest and later she would blame it on the alcohol for what she was about to do next.

"It's just a game" she laughed nervously, and she would blame the alcohol for what she said next "No exceptions right" She took a step even closer to him, she could feel his breath brush against her lips as she spoke.

Rae still had her eyes on Finns lips _those perfectly moulded lip_ and slowly lifted her gaze to his eyes, and Rae let out a longing breath and that was all it took for Finn to close the gap between them, Rae quickly followed his lead, It wasn't awkward like her first kiss she with Archie _Oh my god, Archie! _but didn't have a chance to fully contemplate her current action, as he pushed her against the wall, rested his hand on either side of her head. Rae began to run her hand down his sides grasping on the hem of his shirt pulling him closer to her. It didn't take long before she felt his tonged run along her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to let it enter her mouth. Rae let out a soft moan, which Finn followed. It was definitely different from when she kisses Archie, she couldn't explain it, maybe it was just the alcohol, and her guard was down, but it was like Finn had more passion, and desired, he worshiped her lips.

"Minute is up lovebirds" Chop opened the door, but Finn without thought pulled his hand from the wall slamming the door closed again, suddenly Rae felt him move his hands to her waist.

_What am I doing?_

Rae pushed Finn away to the other side of the closet "Shit" She mumbles with a mixture of regret and longing.

"Rae I'm sorry" Finn apologized.

_Why is he apologizing? I'm the one who should apologize. I'm the drunken idiot… I'm alway messing things up._

But right now she couldn't feel more sober. Rae opened her mouth holding back her tears, but she had no words in her vocabulary apart from "Shit" She stepped out back into the room, no one really paying attention her, she ran out of her room, needing to be alone.


	7. Chapter 7

Rae closed the door to her mum's room and rested her head on the back of the door to keep her steady. She closed her eyes as tight as she could because this door wasn't thick enough, and because she still wasn't far enough, she wanted to run far away and never come back, she wanted to find a hole to crawl in it and never come out. More than anything she wanted a time machine to bring her back to earlier today so she never had this stupid party.

"Excuse me, can you please leave" a voice ordered, and Rae opened her eyes to see two half naked strangers in her mum's bed.

"What the hell! Get out!" she demanded reaching her last nerve "this room is off limits. God" she yelled as the strangers took their time to grab their stuff and scurry out.

Rae slammed the door behind them, taking a moment to slow here breathing, before she walked over grabbing a pillow off the bed and laid beside the bed on the floor, and she just laid there staring at the ceiling. Her tears hadn't stopped, she didn't bother to wipe them away, and she only image the state she looked. _Drunk hot mess that's what I am. No. Sorry. Scrap that, I'm a drunk stupid mess… _She was embarrassed, angry, guilty, she felt like her world would crumble over any minute. _It was a game_ she repeated over and over in her head. Archie would understand that, so, there was no need for her to feel guilty, but then why did she?

The more she tried not to think about it the more it played over and over in her head. The guilt was beginning to cripple her quickly, regardless if the kiss was an innocent part of a juvenile game, she felt guilty because she could still taste Finns lips, and if she closed her eye she could almost feel them burning on hers, her waist was still tingling where he touched her. That's why she felt guilty. Not because of the kiss, but because she enjoyed it.

_I'm a horrible person. _

She heard the door to her mum's room creep open, she knew it was likely Chloe or Finn. She wasn't sure which one would be worse… her boyfriend's best friend whose face she just sucked off, or her best friend who had a crush on the boy whose face she just sucked off. She was hidden behind the bed so if she didn't speak, or move, maybe whoever it is, will leave.

"Rae?" she heard a low husky voice. _This is definitely the worse of the two_ she thought as she turned Rae to see if she could manage to fit under the bed, but before she had any time to act, Finn was standing above her.

"Why are you on the ground" He gave her a puzzling look.

"When I came in her there were people having sex in my mum's bed" she said disgusted, and watches Finn who laughed as he sat down next to her.

Finn shift closer his expression on his face quickly changed. Through the darkness of the room he was now close enough to notice her glossy bloodshot eyes, blotchy skin, and smeared makeup, but she didn't even care that she was crying in front of him, or that she was a mess. She already made an ass of herself. Plus her mind was focused on everything else, the kiss with Finn, and about Archie, Chloe, her mum, her dad, the fact that her house is filled with strangers, and the kiss…

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"No," She cried out covering her face "my brain feels like peanut butter" she mumbled threw her fingers. Finn burst in to laughter, and Rea pulled her hand from her face and shot him a glare.

_What about this is funny?_

"Sorry," he had a cheeky grin on his face "That wasn't funny" he nudged her leg with his foot, urging her to smile. She liked he was making light of it all because right now that's what she needed.

"Listen, if this about what happened, it was a game right, I can go march in there right now and just tell everyone we just talked, if that's the problem" He went to stand up.

"Yes. No I'm mean it's not that, it's everything" she confessed, stopping him watching him making sure he sat back down, before she pulled her eye's back to the ceiling.

"Want me to go get Chloe" he asked trying to find a way to help.

"No." she said softly.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Want me to leave?"

"No." she said quickly, and looked up at him just as fast. She bit her bottom lip as she slowly pulled her eyes from him and focused back to the ceiling, which was becoming the safe haven for her eye's because she found her brain got mushier when he looked back. Without another word he spun his body and laid next to her staring up with her.

Rae tried to keep her cool as she watched from the corner of her eye. The darkness helped. When she sat in the dark it usually made all her problems seem unreal like everything up to now was just blank. However, the music blasting from outside the door and the muffled hollering form the party guests made it all real.

"Give me your reason for liking Babylon Zoo" she needed to fill the dead air, and she remembered back to the day Archie introduced her to the gang, and Finn played the song while being a complete asshat to her. It seemed to be the only safe topic for her at the moment

"I don't know it's catchy" he shrugged, Rae looked over at him for the first time since he laid down, he was lying with his arms folded across his chest and his head was rested on the bit of pillow Rae wasn't touching so his body was an angle in a way he wouldn't be touching her.

"It's shit" she scoffed.

"Okay, I guess it reminds me of some of Bowie's stuff" Finn gave a reason she might be pleased with.

"I allow it, but the song still sucks" she smirked.

"Now that I know you allow, it I can rest easy," he teased sarcastically

"So, you like Bowie" she was surprised that he liked something she did, and she pondered for a moment "Where do you sit on the greatest debate of our generation" he looked at her confused "Blur or Oasis?" Rae tests him, and he let out a small chuckle.

"Oasis" He smiled.

"Figures" she scoffed.

"I like Blurs stuff, but I can't get into them, I guess I connect with Oasis" he felt the need to explain his choice to her "let me guess you choose Blur" he smirked

"I like both, but I think blur is better" she joked like she superior

"Figures" he mimicked her.

"I like Oasis, I connect more to them like you said and Liam's voice is better, but if I was too close my eyes and listen, Blur is the one that gives me magical sensations." she explain with a grin on her face.

"I can't argue with that" he laughed.

"What else do you like?"

"Umm," he pondered for a moment "The Smiths, Primal Scream, The Stone Roses, Radiohead, and Pulp, is what I'm mainly listen to right now, What about you?"

"All of the above" Rae nodded impressed "I can see you and me becoming good friends" she turned her head to smile at him, but he was staring off at the ceiling with a blank expression, almost cold, as she felt the atmosphere of the room shift almost immediately.

"Sorry Archie didn't show, that was a dick move of him" Finn stated.

"It's alright, I'm sure he has a reason, I'm just upset he didn't call me to tell me himself" Finn eyebrows narrowed "Sorry for kissing ya" she added and her stomach flipped without warning thinking back to earlier, and finally he turned to face her.

"It's alright" he said shaky, and his eyes were full of sadness and Rae also hinted lust, and that made her heart just about jump from her chest.

"While were on that subject," She gulped and he lifted his head up and looked down at her blocking her view of anything else "earlier you said you would go back and tell everyone we just talked, can we stick with that story, pretend the kiss didn't happen" she asked. Finn sighed quickly and threw his head back on the pillow.

"What kiss?" Finn grinned over to her, and she couldn't express how thankful she was. She noticed his eyes again, like sshe did back in the cupboard, they where much prettier though when he was smiling, and the way he was looking at her now she could swear he could see into her soul at that very moment.

"Why did you change your mind about the party" Finn asked, reminding her where she was after she was momentarily hypnotized by his eyes.

"It's complicated" she let out a long sigh

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe" she smiled to reassure him she was okay. She felt Finn shift over a bit to get more of his head on the pillow, she knew it would be more comfortable for both of them if she just sat up and got him his own off the bed, but she doesn't want to move, she liked to stay in this safe no man's land as long as she can, and her smile grew bigger to the point where she thought her face would break.

"So are we alight?" Finn asked smiling along with her. For the first time tonight see felt completely at ease, although she was very aware that at his left leg was lightly brushing hers, his that his elbow was touching into her side, and when he would turn to speak to her, she would feel his breath on her neck, she didn't worry about that, she could just lay here without having all those nagging thoughts about what to say or how to act, like she has when she's with Archie, she was now feeling comfortable with Finn.

"Yah we're good" she smiled scrunched her nose at him, and he did the same.

"It's weird," he mumbled

"What?"

"I live less than a kilometre from you and we never met"

"Yah" she thought about it

_He's right, it is weird… What if I met Archie, Finn, Izzy, and Chop before everything, maybe I wouldn't have grown apart from Chloe, maybe I wouldn't have-_

"You know I regret not going up to you when I first saw you at the record store" He pulled her back out of her own head "I keep playing it over in my mind"

"Why?" She laughed nervous, and trying to study his face.

"I can't shake the feeling that if I went up to you, if met you first-" he wondered.

"What?" she quickly sat up looking down at him.

"It's not important" he brushed it off, but she wasn't daft she knew what he was going to say.

Rae opened her mouth to say something, but like after they kissed, she felt herself suffocating on her words.

"There you guys are" Chloe stormed in "what are you doing in here?" she looked at them on the floor and Rae quickly surveyed the situation she was sitting up and Finn was lying down, it looked innocent.

_It **is** innocent!_

"How's the party?" Rae changed the subject

"Dead" Chloe fell down on her Rae's mum's bed

"How many people are still here"

"Couple, they'll be gone by the morning though"

* * *

Rae couldn't sleep her mind was more awake than ever, and if she wasn't sober before she definitely was now. After Chloe intruded, more people followed, everything was a blurry mess after that. Finn was asleep on the floor more than a meter from her now, but it felt like he still right here beside her, and it it took all her willpower not to look over at him, and not letting her self want to look over at him

_What was he going to say? Does he fancy me? He can't possibly I've only known him for a couple weeks. We weren't really friends until today. It was the __alcohol, mixed with the kiss, when we wake up tomorrow it wouldn't have happened, we will pretend the kiss didn't happen, and we will pretend his little confession didn't happen._

"Rae, are you still up?" Chloe whispered across the room

"Yah" Rae got up and slowly went over to the bed, "move over" she pushed Chloe to the other side, and laid down with her.

"You and Finn are getting close" Chloe kept her voice down since the room was scattered with people.

"I guess, he's a good mate" she was confused by her own words.

"What happened in the cupboard?" Chloe probed

"Nothing," she lied and Chloe let out a sigh of relief.

"Why did you run off?"

"I was upset that Archie didn't come, I was afraid he'd get mad I was playing"

"Oh don't worry about that" Chloe reassured her "It's just a game" Rae repeated with her, for what felt like the 100th time tonight and she still wasn't believing it. "Did Finn say anything about me when you were talking earlier"

"No" she said with a matter of fact

"I think he fancy's me, but I can't be sure"

"Yah" she agreed because the same thought had been playing over in her on head.

"Do you think you could talk to him for me, and figure it out"

"Sure" Rae forced a smile,

"Thanks Rae"Chloe said before she closed her eyes, and drifted to sleep.

_Another thing to add to the night of fuck ups…_


	8. Chapter 8

The light shined into the bedroom, and Rae let out a moan cursing herself for not closing the blinds last night because the sudden flash of light felt like it was exploding her eyes. She threw the duvet over her, and curled up in the bed to block out the light, but didn't help much because it still felt like someone was squeezing her brain. _I am NEVER drinking again_ she repeated to herself taking a moment to remember where she was, as everything from last night flooded back into her memory. First she found out her mum has been lying to her, then Archie didn't show up, and Finn…

_Maybe I could just pretend I was too drunk to remember anything. Maybe he was too drunk to remember anything. Maybe he was too drunk to realize what he was saying… because there was zero chance he liked me. It was already a miracle I'm going out with Archie…_

Her house was quite she wondered how many people where still here, but she didn't want to get up or open her eye's because she knew when she does all those memories would become reality again. So, she took her time to pull herself out from under the blankets, waiting for the room around her to stop spinning before she slowly propped herself up to check the time. It was just past 8am and she knew she had to get up and start cleaning, but she dropped down on her side for one last quick moment of rest, and there he was.

_That dickhead looks so peaceful. He doesn't deserve to look like that. Why did he have to mess everything up? _

She could never read him, when they first were introduced he was an asshole, and after that, he was more times then not, but there were the rare occurrences where he somewhat resembled a human being. Like when he bought her a beer, and when he didn't tell anyone about France, or the hospital, and he never pushed her to explain either, and then yesterday he stood up for her.

Rae quickly got the strength to sit up on the edge of the bed as she looked around her mum's room. People must have left earlier this morning because it was only her Chloe and Finn left in this room.

She continued to study Finn from the bed while the sun fell over him brightening every feature. She noticed every freckle, and how he still managed to look good with bedhead. He slept on his side and his mouth slight parted, it almost looked like he was smiling, and she wished she could know what he was dreaming about, but thought was very quickly pushed to the back of her mind when she noticed as Finn began to stir. She didn't want to be here when he woke up. Especially get caught staring at him.

She forced her aching body to stand up. Once she found her footing she went to her room ignoring the beer cans, and empty glasses everywhere, and the smell of stale beer and cigarettes that followed her wasn't helping her hangover. She made sure to be quite when she saw Izzy curled up in her bed and Chop out cold on the floor.

She quietly grabbed some clothes and went to her washroom to freshen up, and change into something that didn't smell like booze and sweat. Her makeup was smeared all down her face, and her hair looked a beehive. She washed her face and brushed her teeth to get ride of the stale taste in her mouth, and threw her hair up into a ponytail. She still looks like mess, but figured she'd wait until everyone was gone, and the house was clean before she got a shower.

"Clean duty ready for services" Izzy perked up waiting for Rae as she walked out of the bathroom. Rae couldn't help and laugh because Izzy and Chop looked just as bad as she did.

"How are you guys feeling?"

"Alright" Izzy hopped down the stairs, while Chop and Rae dragged their feet behind her.

"Speak for yourself" Chop groaned, and Rea laughed agreeing. However, her smile was quickly wiped away when she got to the bottom of the staircase.

Downstairs was worse than upstairs. Cans, cups, bottles, and unspeakable things were scattered everywhere. In looked like a dump yard. The curtains were torn down and the couch was flipped over, and the stereo was playing which had probably been on all night.

"Do you remember anything Raemondo, you were on it pretty hard last night" Chop ask flipping the couch upright before her fell back on it.

"Some" She continued to scan the area. Her heart jumped when she noticed Finn in the kitchen. He must have gotten up and came down here while she was in the washroom. She thought it would be best to rip it off like a band aid "Why don't you start in here and I'll work on the kitchen while I make us some breakfast" She suggested to Izzy and Chop "Oh, if Chlo isn't down in 10 minutes go up and wake her up"

"Sounds good" Izzy chimed, before she pushed Chop to get back up and help her start cleaning.

Finn had his back to her, resting his elbow on the counter "Morning" Rae bite her lip, as she entered the kitchen, and he spun around to face her.

"Morning" He smiled, and she knew she was in trouble when her knee's felt weak. It was weird she wasn't really sure where to stand, or what to do, or how to act, or what to say.

"It's a mess out there," Rae laughed nervous, with a lump in her throat.

"Nah, I've seen worse, it won't take us long" She thought she'd be angrier with him, but he just seemed to calm her. "How are you feeling," He looked at her leaning against the counter across from her

"Like an elephant is sitting on my head" she groaned "Did you put this on?" she pointed referring to the music, putting two and two together.

"Yah you like it?" he asked, but Rae didn't say anything she just looked at him unimpressed "You must be joking everyone likes reggae"

"You were doing so well" she teased and shook her head.

"You don't like reggae?" he asked confirming, like she might have been joking before.

"No, you're crazy" she chuckled

"You know what I'll respect your decision, but reggae is the only thing that makes the grim boredom of cleaning somewhat bearable"

"No it's not" she argued

"Okay what would you put on?"

"For cleaning. I don't know Primal Scream" she suggested laughing that this conversation was happening

"You're crazy" He teased mimicking her.

She realized that the conversion just seemed to flow between them, and that was different from Archie. She never really new what Archie was going on about half of the time, with Finn everything seemed effortless. Easy. They could just stand here and without a word, and somehow still feel comfortable. She liked that fact they were friends.

Rae jumped at the sudden ring of the kettle. "I put the kettle on I hope you don't mind" Finn made his way over to the stove, and she nodded letting him know it was fine. "It will help your hangover. Tea makes everything alright"

"Everything?" she questioned

"I make a good cup of tea" he smirked.

"I'm sure you do" she let out a short laugh, as she watched him find his way around the kitchen for mugs, then running across the room to get the milk from the fridge, then back again. He wouldn't let her help him, so she just looked on. She knew it would only be a matter of time before the reality of the situation would come back around and punch her in the gut, but for now she welcomed this. and his stupid grin that made her smile like an idiot as well.

He turned and asked her if she wanted sugar, and she just nodded before he ducked is head down "About last night-" Finn spoke cautiously as he stirred both tea's "-what I was saying" he looked up at her, and the mood instantly changed.

"You were drunk" Rae stopped him "we both were" she tried to help him play it off.

"I wasn't that drunk" he confessed. Rae didn't know what to do but ignore him. She turned breathless facing the counter and started throwing away bottles to make room to cook.

"Rae"

"I'm going to make us some breakfast, I was thinking breakfast sandwiches with bacon, or ham" She was rambling fast "I'll figure it out, so, if you want to help Izzy and Chop in the living room I think I can handle in here-"

"Rae stop" he begged

"Finn no" She snapped turning quickly, only having him standing right there as close as he was in the closet, and that thing with her knees happened again, so she gripped the counter behind her for support "nothing happened remember, we said everything was alright. You said-" She hesitated to find the right words, hoping he would intervene. He just looked at her defeated, and his lips parted slightly like he wanted to say something, but didn't, and made it very clear by the way he was staring he had no intension to… but she didn't, she couldn't. So, she just turned and went back to making breakfast.

A moment passed, it was a short, but felt longer, before her eyes flickered down and saw a hand holding a cup of tea. "We're alright" he reassured her handing her the mug, she didn't look up at him, and she didn't respond. She just reached out and took the cup, her breath uncontrollably hitched as his fingers brushed hers, and that was it. He went to the living room. She heard the music turn off, and assumed Finn was leaving, and she found herself debating if she should go after him or not, so they could work it out, whatever 'it' was. Until she heard Movin' On Up by Primal Scream begin to play, and she cracked a smile before she took a sip of her tea.

_If tea makes everything alright, I'm going to need an ocean of it…_


	9. Chapter 9

They were all lounging around in her living room admiring a job well-done. Rae was sitting on the couch next to Chloe, Chop and Izzy where poking at each other on the floor next to Finn who was sitting next to the stereo flipping threw CD's he brought. She was surprised how quickly they managed to get her house back to normal, although it still smelt pretty gross, she opened a couple windows though to help air it out.

"So when does your mum get home?" Chloe asked.

"I don't know what time, just that she gets back today" Rae responded. She wanted her mum to stay away as long as possible, not because she liked having the house to herself, but because she still wasn't sure what to do about the cards. She was angry and wants an explanation, but she also knows it would be easier for everyone if she just let it go...

"Well, Raemondo, I'm off, I need a shit load of peppermint tea to reload for tonight" Chop announced standing up "Izzy you want a ride?"

"Yah thanks" Izzy jumped up. Rae got up and walk them to the door.

"Thanks again guys for helping" Rae said sincere

"No worries" Chop gave her a quick hug

"Yah Rae it was super fun" Izzy jumped up to hug her "I'll see yah tonight at the pub?" Izzy asked letting go of Rae

"Yah, maybe"

"No maybe's Raemondo! Party was wicked awesome. Can't stop the streak now" Chop hollered as he and Izzy went out the door.

"See ya" Rae laughed as she shut the door behind them.

_Then there was three._

When Rae went back to the living room Finn was still sat up against the stereo, but Chloe somehow found her way over to him and was now lying with her head on his lap. Rae flung across the couch in direct view of them. Chloe was banging on about nothing, and watching her flirt with him put a sour taste in her mouth. She was barely listening to what Chloe was going on about because she was focused on Finn, noticing that he looked extremely uninterested with it all, and that made her smile.

Finn hadn't said a single word to Rae after this morning, she knew he was trying to avoid her because she wanted to be friends. She was also aware that the word 'friend' was becoming a mantra, having the need to remind herself periodically.

Rae had to drag herself from her thoughts to listen to what Chloe was saying. "Oh my god Finn, I love this song" Chloe squealed, which made Rae role her eyes as There is a Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths came on

"Oh yah," Rae answered before Finn got a chance "Who do you like better Morrissey or The Smiths" Rae grinned, watching Finns eyebrows narrow in confusion.

"I don't know really" Chloe pondered sitting up "It all depend what mood I'm in" she shrugged

Rae looked over at Finn and they both let out a small chuckle. She should have felt bad for makeing Chloe look stupid, but she wasn't because it was the first time she managed to make eye contact with Finn since earlier, there was no tension, nothing about it seemed forced, and right know she found herself wanting to stop time forget everything she has to deal with.

"What?" Chloe asked glancing back between both of them who seemed to forget they were staring.

"Nothing" Finn laughed "So, you going to the pub tonight?" He asked both of them changing the subject for Chloe's sake

"Yah" Chloe fell back on his legs

"I don't know. Just thinking about sitting in a room full of alcohol is making me sick" Rae joked

"Archie might be there," Chloe informed her.

_Not helping._

"You'll work it out, you two are perfect for each other" Chloe continued to talk, and Rae's eye's caught Finn's and he gave her a nod, before he gentle pushed Chloe of his legs.

"I better go too" He stuttered as he stood up, picking up his CD's he brought throwing them in his bag and tossing it over his shoulder.

"Can I get a ride with you" Chloe jumped up

_Could she be anymore desperate..._

"Sure" Finn waited for her run up stares to get her stuff, and Rae walked over to the door with Finn.

She waited until she knew Chloe was out of ear reach "Thanks for staying I know I've been a twat, and you didn't have to-" she stammered

"You haven't been a twat" he laughed stopping her "maybe a bit of a dickhead" he said with a cheeky smile.

"Yah" She gave him a half hearted smile hanging her head low.

_He really needs to stop with that smile! I don't deserve it. Why does he have to be so kind?_

"But you're also kinda brilliant" he said quiet, and she could sense a hint of nervousness, as she shot her head up to face him, but his head lowered as quick as hers shot up. Rae, however, managed to catch a smile it was small, but she knew that he knew she caught it, and he was trying his best not to make eye contact after that giving her that complement.

"Quit staring at me it freaks me out" his laugh was shaky.

"I'm not staring at ya" she smirked, before either could say anything else Rae felt the sudden reappearance of Chloe.

_Act cool. Act natural. What am I doing? We're just standing here. This is natural! Fuck._

"I'm ready" Chloe said.

"Yah" Finn said heavy before he leaped forward wrapping his arms around Rae for a hug.

_Yep. Okay. This is happening. There's that CK one again. He's not letting go. This is to long. _

Rae gave him a pat on the back, because even she could feel the awkwardness of it, and also Chloe's stare burning into them. Maybe it's best that they're the type of friends that didn't hug. He pulled away from her and gave her a nod and smiling as he headed out the door.

Rae and Chloe both watched until Finn was no longer insight "Look Rae you better come to the pub tonight" Chloe grinned "It's an order" she wagged her finger at her.

"Sure Chlo" Rae forced a smile.

"I'll see you tonight hon" Chloe gave Rae a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before she ran outside to meet Finn.

Rae closed the door quick and clasped sliding down it.

_Goddamnit._

* * *

Rae was watching tv, waiting for the right time to head down to the pub because she didn't want to be early. She also didn't call Archie to see if he was going to be there. What was she going to say _'Hey Archie. You know how you ditched me last night? well because of that I have developed this weird gravitational pull to your best friend'… _That's why she didn't want to be early just incase Finn got there early too.

"Hello" She heard the familiar voice.

"Mum?" Rae got up to great the happy couple, as her mum and Karim wasted no time rushing in the living room. "Hi'ya "How was the trip?" She asked watching her mum pacing like a mad woman into the kitchen.

"Tell her Karim" Linda shouted

"We are married" Karim stammered.

"Married?" Rae's mouth dropped

"Married" Linda screeched, and Rae followed her in the kitchen trying to process this, and leaving Karim.

"Rae it was wonderful, we're going to have a ceremony here of course so you can be there-"

She watched her mum crumple up the note she had left for her and toss it in the trash, "I know about the postcards" Rae blurted without a thought.

"-We'll have a big reception and you can have all your friends come." Linda continued, without realizing what Rae said.

"Mum!"

"Yes darling?" Linda stopped what she was doing and looked at Rae with full attention. Right then Rae realized she didn't want to ruin this moment for her mum, she didn't want it to be tainted with whatever argument would come from this.

"You're married" Her mum smiled studying Rae with a puzzled look on her face

"I'm really happy for you" she half heartily smiled, before she went to leave the kitchen to congratulate Karim too.

"The postcards from your father?" Linda spoke hitting Rae like a ton of bricks. Rae turned quickly to look at her mum "I did it to protect you" Linda said shaky with regret in her eyes. She already knew the truth but hearing it out loud made it all too much.

_So much for not ruining the moment.._

"So lying to me for ten years about dad, making me believe he cared was protecting me" Rae's lips trembled, wiping the sudden tears from her eyes

"You were so little" her mum apologized

"It doesn't matter" Rae left the kitchen

"Rae" we should disscuss this" her mum followed

"No we shouldn't" She picked up her book bag and tossed it over her shoulder

"Rae you brought it up. You must want to talk about it"

"I'm going to out with the gang" Rae said opening the front door

"Rae you're staying here" Her mum stopped her.

"What are you going to do if I leave" Rae stared her mum dead in the eyes.

"I'm sorry that I lied. I wrote those letters to comfort you. When I started I thought it would be temporary, you know, until he came back, but he didn't. You loved them, every time you got one your face lit up, and I loved that" Her mum frantically explained

Rae already knew. She knew that her mum was just trying to protect her and was all good intentions... in her head she gets that. However, she still felt betrayed. Hearing it out loud made her feel nauseous, like when you're on a roller coaster for the first time, and it's all to fast to comprehend, and as you plunge down, your stomach rolls into your throat, choking you. She was devastated. She needed to get out. So without another word she turned and left.


	10. Chapter 10

_Don't cry Rachael, pull it together don't bloody cry…_ She repeated over and over, as she rushed to the pub. It was busy and the last thing she wanted to do was draw more attention to her then there already was. She didn't know where else to go, but the pub, so she kept her head down and walked quickly, shuffling threw the crowd. The walk felt way too quick and she felt a wave of regret for coming here as she stood infront of the pub because she knew she would break at any second. Everything with her mom just made everything crash down around her, and the terror start to build. Alone on the side of the pub she braced herself, taking a moment to pull all her shit together before she could head inside. She rested her back against the brick wall and closed her eyes, slow sliding down until she was sitting on the ground, barring her head in her knees, rubbing the back of her neck. In that one second he felt the breath leave her body in short sharp rasps, as if she was drowning, gasping for air, and all her energy escaping with each breath. _I don't want to feel this way, just breathe. Breathe!_ She tried to coach herself waiting for this feeling to pass.

"Rae?"

_Bloody hell. Not now…_

She forced her eyes opened as she lifted her head to see Finn standing in front of her "Hi'ya" She tried to keep her voice steading, and tried greeting him with a warm smile, as she surveyed the situation.

_I look mad. I am mad…_

"You coming in?" he looked down at her concerned.

"Yah, in a sec" she swallowed nodding rapidly, before she let her head claps backdown on her knees, and prayed with all the strength she has that Finn would just take her answer as it is and leave her be. She was exhausted, both mentally and physically. Her head was still pounding in what seems like the worlds longest hangover, and at the moment she couldn't be sure which way was up. Until she felt the presence of someone sitting down next to her she knew it was Finn she just wished it wasn't, and was thankful he did, all at the same time.

_I just want to melt away… Maybe if I keep my head down he will just get up and walk away._

Rae felt a figure hit her thigh and she jumped, lifting her head at Finn who smiled warmly with a subtle, but satisfied look that his touch made her jump, and he started again.

Y-O-U-O-K-?

She could feel the hairs on her arms stand on end. Rae felt frozen in time as she watched his finger pull from her leg and looked at him briefly. Finn was still looking down at her thigh where his finger just touched. She just seemed to notice how close he actually was to her. Everything felt in slow motion as she watched his hand rest on his legs, she felt a sudden calm "I'm fine" she gulped trying to reassure him with small smile, as his eyes darted up to hers.

"Archie's coming" he leaned in closer nudging her shoulder with his "I called him and everything" trying to make her feel better. Rae looked at him briefly digesting what his words. She took a deep breath running her fingers threw her hair.

"Archie is the least of my worries" she scoffed, and noticed his eyebrows draw together in confusion, she realized she should elaborate "I got in a fight with my mum," Rae soften her gaze and tried to smiled, but she felt the tears she tried so hard to hold back just started to fall.

_Shit!_

Finn did something that surprised her and she felt his arm around her shoulder pulling her in for embrace, and she let out a short chuckle at her own expense_if__ I didn't look mad before it's obvious now_ she thought to herself as she let her head fall in the nap of his neck. He rested his chin on her head pulling her closer to him. She couldn't help and feel like his arms where carved out just for her, she fit in to them perfectly, she felt protected, like she was lifted lifted away from the rest of the world. She pulled out of his grasp and looked quickly in his eyes, just for a moment, all it took was a look. She realized she could trust him. She got the strength to confide in him. "My dad left when I was little" she started surprising herself, and looking at him dead in the eye "and a couple of times a year he would send me these postcard, nothing major, no return address or nothing, just something to remind me he's thinking of me, and it turns out my mom has been sending me those letters not my dad" Rae realized this was the most she has ever opened up to someone about anything, even Kester and Tix. In that split second it all just seemed to come out. Finn was silent, and broke eye contact, she kept her eyes dead on him, watching him thinking, as he glanced back and forth from his hands and the pub entrance.

_This is the moment he runs. _

After what felt like an eternity, he lifted he's head and quickly and jumped up. "Come on, let's go in. I'll buy you a drink to take your mind of it" he stood up holding his hand out for her with a smile.

She took his hand and he pulled her up. "No. I'm not going in" she dusted herself off.

"I'll walk you home?" Finn said immediately

"Thanks, but I'm not ready to face that yet" she kicked her feet and gazed up at him. "I'm just going to walk around for a bit, clear my head ya know" She blinked back tears.

"I'll join you"

"Finn don't be silly go have a good time" She motioned for him to leave

"Want me to run in and get Archie" he offered awkwardly

"No" She spat quickly "I'm fine, really, I think I just need to be alone" she muttered with a half-hearted smile.

"You sure your alright?" he said worried, and she just nodded lowering her head as she brushed past him dragging her feet down the sidewalk, but she didn't even walk ten steps until he was walking by her side he looked over at her and smiled.

"I'm in need of a walk and some head clearing myself," He grinned at her "this just happens to be my route, I mean I usually like to be alone, but I guess you can walk with me" He bumped his shoulder with her, scrunched his nose at her.

"Thanks" she smirked and scrunched her nose over at him and they began to walk in silence.


	11. Chapter 11

They walked in comfortable silence as the shuffled threw the streets. Rae held her arms tightly across her chest because just a second ago her hand accidentally brushed Finn's and it left all her senses tingling, which she tried not to think about… which she really tried not to think about. They hadn't really been concentrating where they were; Rae just let her feet wonder and Finn followed by her side. The only thing that registered was, it was dark, the streets were empty, the air was filled with the misty fog, like what happens before it was about to rain, and Finn was by her side.

Rae and Finn haven't said one word to each other since they started walking, and she was thankful he was giving her space, and yet thankful he was still here by her side. Every now and then they would catch each other's eyes under the street lights, and Rae would give him a smile reassuring she was still fine. It was nice. It was what she needed. She was happy he didn't set off running after he witnessed her panic attack, because being around him somehow brought her all her mad thoughts float effortlessly outside of her head, without having to say a word. She wanted to be the first to break the silence and say thank you, but wasn't sure what to say _Should I explain more about my mum situation? Should I tell him everything?_ so she didn't say anything and they walked.

"So" Finn eventually broke the silence, and the simple sound of his voice caused her to jump

"So" Rae's voice cracked, and she looked ahead, anywhere, so he wouldn't notice the effect he had on her.

"You ready to go home?" He asked cautiously

_No. I want to stay here in silence and walk next to you and forget my problems, forget that I'm acting like idiot, and you're my boyfriend's best mate and I might like ya, BUT I DON'T LIKE YA. CAUSE I CAN'T LIKE YA. Forget that my best friend does like ya. And forget that my mom is a manipulative bitch who lied about my deadbeat dad._

"Why are you bored already?" she laughed nervously, which he seemed to picked up on.

"You know it will all blow over eventually with your mom, if you go home I'm sure you'll work it out" Finn encouraged.

"Doubt it." Rae said pitying herself. Finn didn't say anything and she glanced up and over at him, watching him as he was looking forward seeming like he was thinking.

"You can come stay at my house if you need, we've got a spare"

_Don't say yes. Don't say yes._

"No, that's alright" she swallowed proud of her little personal victory.

"You know it's just me and my dad" Finn kicked his feet as they walked "My mum moved about five years ago after her and my dad got divorced. She's seeing the world" he scoffed to himself "I only see her maybe once a year, whenever she decides to roll back in town, and I don't hear from her much. I might get a call on holidays, and my birthday" he looked back at her almost shy and embarrassed "I know it's not the same as what you are going through with your dad, but some parents are just really shit at the whole parenting thing, aren't they" He finished confiding in her, or consoling her, Rae wasn't too sure.

"What bothers me" she spoke up continuing on his little speech. In this short time they've been getting to know each other, this was the most she's ever really heard him say about his own personal life. "Everything has this evolutionary incentive and predisposition to protect our tribe, our friends, our offspring. Keep them safe" she hesitated and stopped walking, Finn stopped with her and turning to face each other "everyone but my dad" she lowered her head.

"But at least you got your mum" Finn locked eyes with her.

"Finn I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"No. No, what I meant to say that your whole thing about this predisposition to protect our loved ones. It just seems that's what your mum was trying to do"

"I know that in my head. I do. So, why does it still feel so shitty?" She stammered.

"Just a part of life I guess" he shrugged.

"Well isn't that just swell" she sighed "I guess this means I'm ready to go home then" she half heartily rejoiced.

They weren't very far from Rae's home and walked again in silence for the rest of the way, she felt her stomach drop with nerves when she got on her street, and began to approach her house.

"Thanks for today" Rae nudged him "I know I said I was fine, but I don't think I've been fine for years" she confessed.

"Nobody has" Finn looked over at her and gave her a comforting smile, focusing on her, and her stomach dropped again, but with different kind of nerves.

"You know what? Out of this whole mess I'm really going to miss the postcards, it was the only mail I would ever get." She laughed trying to lighten the mood.

"I'll send you postcards" he smirked at her.

"Great. What would that be? Dear Rae, I got shit taste in music and I'm sorry that I ever said I like reggae" She looked over at him with an open mouth smile as Finn pretended to look offended.

"Yah but you'd write back. Dear Finn, You are so great. I'm sorry you were right reggae is awesome, and have much better taste in music than me, Love Rae" he played along and they were now standing in front of her house on her doorstep, with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Ha. Ha" she mocked "Firstly No. Secondly definitely not better. And third as if,"

"Okay. So, Dear Finn you're alright." Finn chuckled and Rae nodded in agreement

"We could be pen pals and I'll write you, and you write me. This could be a thing" she joked, and they both broke out in laughter.

"Listen-" he spoke as there laughter trickled down "-are you okay? I want to get home before it starts to pour, but I don't want to leave ya if you're not alright"

"Go on, I'm alright" she actually believed it herself, urging him to go.

Finn held his arms out for a hug Rae unlinked her arm and reciprocated. She studied Finn's face as he hesitated for a moment, before he skipped the hug and leaned in and gave her quick peck on the cheek. When he pulled away from her he had a slightly closed smile, and looked all smug with himself. She felt her sides of her mouth tug into a smile, and she was hoping it was still dark enough under her porch light so he couldn't see her blushing. It was fast and innocent, but she felt her legs turn to jelly.

"I'll see yah tomorrow maybe, yah?" he smiled before he turned on his heel and set off running trying to beat the rain.

"Yah sounds good" She yelled out to him. When she noticed he was a safe distance away Rae placed her hand on her cheek, finding herself savoring the feeling of his lips on her skin._ What is this hold that this stupid, kind, smug, boy has on me, and how can I make it stop! _She quietly went inside and up to her room without trying her best not to indicating to her mum she was home.

When she started dating Archie she felt normal for the first time in years, he pulled her out of her dull life and introduced her to the gang. She was normal, and her kiss with Finn, just a "drunken mistake" is ruining couldn't quite believe that her kiss with Finn was 24 hours ago. As much as she tried now she couldn't get it out of her mind, even now after her meltdown after her fight with her mom. Her mind seemed to return to last night in the landing cupboard. She remembered all her kisses with Archie. Her six kisses with Archie. _My boyfriend. The guys I should probably have been walking with just now._ For the past 24 hours she did as much as she could to shake what happened, but that one kiss with Finn was undeniably the best kiss of her life. She was drunk, but kissing Finn wasn't like kissing Archie. When she kissed Archie by the end she would eventually feel no different from a pillow, like she used to practice kissing on when she was nine. But with Finn she felt adored, needed, he had lusted for her in a way Archie doesn't. She was confused, and her feelings scared her.

That night she didn't remember falling asleep, but the last thing on her mind was Finn, and it just so happened to be the first thing to in her head when she woke up the next morning. In that instant Rae realized regardless what happens with Finn, what she's feeling is not fair to Archie, and she was going to have to end things with Archie. Now.


	12. Chapter 12

These pasts two nights sleep has been almost foreign to her, and it was all due to Finn. Although Finn hadn't said it directly that he liked her... he has made it abundantly clear, and she knew she had to break up with Archie today, even if this whole Finn thing was all too good to be true. She didn't want to feel this way about Finn, but she could seem to stop it _Things like this aren't supposed to happen to girls like me. I'm fat, mad, loud, ugly, and annoying and somehow got two of the fittest guys in Lincolnshire my pocket. It's all too much to be true. What if this is all one big joke they play on girls like me?_ She tried not to think about that too much, as she got up and dressed.

She knew before all else she first had to mend thing with her mum. While she was getting ready she heard her mum walk by her room passing it on the way downstairs. Eventually Rae followed, and walked down stairs into the kitchen viewing her mum alone at the kitchen table. This may be the first time where she was wishing actually wishing Karim were here.

They didn't say anything to one in other. Rae and her have done these countless times, and now it's somewhat a routine… Her and her mum fight, they both cool off, and then pretend it never happened and continued on. _"Moving forward_" Linda called it. She poured a bowl cereal and cautiously sat down across from her mum and the kitchen table, both eating their cereal.

"Rae, I'm sorr-" Her mum muttered braking the routine by speaking up.

"Stop, I'm sorry" Rae gulped "I just wish I could start yesterday over, and I mean it when I say I'm happy for you. Really" she finished speaking with a smile and Rae caught Linda's before she lowered her head and began eating again.

"Got any plans today?" Linda asked _moving forward..._

"Yah, I'm heading out now to see Archie" she swallowed, playing with her food.

"Me and Karim are heading down to the swan, we're looking at places for a reception... you can invite Archie, and all your friends if you like" Linda beamed at the thought of a reception, and it was contagious because Rae was happy that her mum was happy… everything with her dad was in the past.

"Thanks" Rae nodded "I'll let them know" she tried to hide her worry the best she could and she must have been doing a good job since her mum didn't bring it up. But the fact she was about to break up with Archie meant her ties with the gang would be severed if he didn't want to be friends. Yes she had the Chloe, and yes maybe Finn, but she wouldn't have the gang. Hanging out the six of them was the most fun she ever had, and made her feel normal. Tix and Danny where her best friends and she loved them more than anything, but having a group of friends outside the hospital saved her. There were cool people in Lincolnshire...

* * *

Rae went to Archie's house only to find he wasn't there, his mum said he was at work until 3pm, but Rae didn't want to wait she needed to do this now before she chickened out. As she made her way to the leisure center all she was could feel the stress bubbling up inside her, almost reaching max like it did last night, but somehow today she managed to keep it down, maybe it was because she was walking quickly, Kester says that helps, but Rae also new after this, she could find Finn and see what this might be, if it's more than some stupid crush. She nervously asked the guy at the front desk where Archie was and she quickly made her way to the gymnasium ignoring the sly comment the guy made about weight watchers.

She noticed Archie going into the supply closet, so she headed in the direction trying not to draw to much attention to herself. She liked Archie a lot, but they just didn't fit. People always say opposites attracted, but they were far from compatible, Archie was into History, Doctor Who, and everything else she had no interest in. She liked talking to him because they can talk for hours and she could still learn new things. However, she knows now the like she felt for him wasn't the 'big like'… With Archie she wanted to hang out and talk about nonsense like friends do, whereas the 'big like' is someone she could lay on the floor and listen to music with, wanting to show someone a favourite song and have them completely and utterly engulfed by it, someone she could poor her heart out to, and someone that made her feel above herself… surprisingly enough she realized that was Finn.

"Rae" Archie turned swiftly and falling back on the wall "What are you doing here?" He looked at her awkwardly, as she let the door to the supply closet close behind her. Rae didn't know what to do or to say, she hadn't really thought about it. She's never done this before, so when she was trying to figure out where to start from she was just coming up blank. "What?" Archie asked remaining in his awkward pose against the wall.

"This… You… Me... It's not-" She stops to ponder for a moment.

_I should have thought about this. Damn it._

_"_Rae?"

_Fuck it._

Rae leapt forward seeing the confusion in Archie's before she kissed him, she put everything she could into that kiss, she pushed herself closed to Archie closing the gap was between them. She realized this might not have been the best idea to try to make her point, but non-the less she snaps back taking a step away from him, staring him down.

"What did you feel?" Rae asked bluntly.

"What do you mean?" he looked at her like she had six heads.

"What I mean is, that was a _kiss_, but I felt nothing." She said honestly wincing a little about how harsh she was probably coming off. "I think we should break up" She studied his blank unreadable expression wait for something.

"Okay" he mumbled as he brought his hand to his forehand, and his eye's widened staring into space, looking like he was contemplating something in his head.

"But I want to stay friends, and I mean that. I know it's cliche, because in the movies they always say lets stay friends, but their only saying that to be nice... but I really, really mean it and you and the gang me so much to me and I can't imagine losing all of you." She stressed finishing her rant, waiting.

"I wouldn't have it any other way" Archie said almost instant throwing his hands in the air.

"So no hard feeling than? We good just like that" she was alittle surprised

"Just like that" He smiled, and Rae started laughing.

"What?"

"I thought this would be much harder, but I guess breaking up ain't that hard to do" she sat down on the mats that where stacked up on by the wall.

"Only when there's apart of you to lose in the process" He followed sitting next to her.

"You are apart of me," She said and she meant it. He was apart of her life now and to lose him would hurt her in ways she couldn't imagine "Who else would teach me every conspiracy theory there is about Arthur and the fall of Camelot" she smirked teasing him.

"Well, I was actually reading something"

"Don't" she stopped him laughing. "What were you looking at anyhow?" Rae asked as she motioned to stand up and walk over to the wall.

"Rae stop-" Archie urged pulling her back only made her more curious.

She gave him a funny look and broke away from his arm and peered threw the hole that Archie was looking threw when she busted in. Rae felt this twinge in her gut, and she bit her lip as she turned to face him. "Is this because of me?" she asked on the verge of tears. "Did I do this to you?"

"No Rae" Archie said with much strain in his voice, as he jumped up blocking her so she wouldn't run away.

"You're gay?" she spoke, but her voice was almost not there.

"Yes. No. Well I don't know." He looked at her confused, and she felt her heart drop, and face burn with a betrayal.

"What do you mean you don't bloody know you're peeping on naked men Archie that makes it pretty clear" She yelled, and Archie hushed her to keep it down, but she ignored him "Is that why you dated me, because you thought I was desperate to be your beard, Oh my god, did I remind you of a guy, I know I'm ugly… and big... and boys don't like that type of thing"

"Rae no." He yelled franticly with just as much force which took her by surprise "I just thought if I got a girlfriend the feelings would go away" He sat back down barring his face in his hands. The door looked so good to her right now, but as she looked at him, and she was able to registered how scared he was. She felt like shit for her reaction just now, yes she was hurt by the thought a guy was only pretending to like her that way, but in a way she was pretending to like him... so she'd feel normal. That's all anyone wants.

"You asked if we could stay friends, and this all changed when you figured out I might be gay." He looked up at her, and she sat down next to him, knowing it would cowardly for her to leave him.

"Don't say that. Nothing has changed" she assured even though this confused her, she could not imagine what this was like for Archie.

"I just thought-" he cleared his throat "Rae you're funny, smart and beautiful" Rae scoffed at his words "It's true, you're Finn and Chop approved" she looked up at him and he eyed down with a small smile on his face to her breasts which made her blush thinking about Finn thinking about them "Rae you're everything I would want but there just something missing ya know" he considered.

"A penis" Rae glanced up at him, and the moment they made eye contact they mood instantly changed and they both broke out into uncontrollable laughter, and she nudged him resting her head on his shoulder.

"Why are you hiding it, just tell people" she encouraged trying to sound supportive, as much as she could be that the guy she just broke up with turned out to be gay.

"While I'm still in college, are you kinding. That's just asking for it. People here don't like things that are different do they" he signed resting his head on hers

**_"When people find out you're different they tend to treat ya different, try to fix ya, put you down, and I don't want them to treat me like I'm something fragile_**_"_

"No they don't." she mumbled agreeing, as she remembered back to her session with Kester when he wanted her to tell people about her illness.

**_..."People can surprise you."_**

"Your secret safe with me," she promised lifting her head looking at him straight in the eye.

"Thanks"

"And you have me if you ever need to talk about it" she lifted her hands to his to straighten his glasses.

"Knowing your there is all I need" He smiled, with almost and instant relief of stress.

"I'm there" She smiled laying her head back on his shoulder. Maybe Kester was right and I only need to tell one person.


	13. Chapter 13

Rae was on a roll, first she sorted things with her mum, then Archie, and now she was standing in front Finns house. It seems for the first time she had a hold on everything and it was all balanced. She got Finns address of Archie, she told him he left some CD's after the party she needed to return to him. She felt to embarrassed to tell him the real reason why just incase after this she ends up falling flat on her face. Which after each passing second felt like a stronger possibility. She took a breath and knocked on his door. She felt on top of the world and nothing could bring her down now. At least that's what she told herself to give reason to what she was doing.

After her talk with Archie, and the undesirable circumstances on how he came out. She got to witness this instant breath of relief as the weight he had been carrying around eased up on his shoulders, because he now wasn't caring the weight alone anymore, Rae was here to help him lift it all. So, she knew it was time to tell someone about her mental health. It was funny because she always thought it would be Chloe she would tell first, but she knew it had to be Finn. _Tell him I'm single, tell him I like him, tell him about hurtin myself, and if he doesn't run… snog his brains out._ Rae tried quickly to think of some kind of plan while she waited outside.

Rae's heart skipped when the door swung opened. "Rae what you doing here?" Finn rested his arm on the doorframe and looked at her with this puzzling stare. Finn had on a jeans and a grey tee shirt that clung to him, that she had to force herself to avert her eye's.

_Gush. Look at him! this is a mistake turn around, he is out of my league. Turn around!_

"Can I come in?" she blurted trying to sound confident, but it fell short, and she was afraid she sounded more desperate, she was heavily aware of his hesitation before he stepped aside and welcomed her in with a nod.

Entering his house felt like a kid that got to go to the NorthPole and getting to visit Santa's workshop to see how the toys were made. She was getting this whole new look into his world. Just from standing inside the front porch she already noticed all the little bits of his life, mostly by the pictures on the wall. She peered around as she slowly kicked off her shoes. She stopped and noticed an old school picture from primary on the wall across from the doorway.

"Is your dad home?" She asked, and his eye narrowed almost like he was skeptical of her presence.

"No, he's at work"

"Can we go you to your room, I really need to talk" she asked aware that he was acting sketchy, and it seemed like he would kick her out right there. This confused her, and scared her because last night they left things on a good note… so she thought.

"Yah" He shrugged as he turned on his heal. She followed behind him upstairs, tracing her hand over the railing after his. Finn didn't look back once, and she was glad, because however nervous she was, she now couldn't seem to wipe the smile of her face.

_This is it, this is Finns room… _His room was very much similar to hers, just more records and less care bares, but she had almost all the same posters on the wall, it was simple, not flashy, it was organized like hers to, everything had a place.

"Your record collection is looking low," she teased pointing the records in every corner of his room.

"Yah, I guess I get a little over board, most of them are my dad's though that I guess I stole from his collection over the years" he said with a slight waver in his voice, and she could feel his eyes on her as she explored his room. Even as his eyes were burning on her, she could say for certain this was the most calm she's been in days.

She noticed all the medals hang from his lamp on his desk. "Any good?" she laughed

"Yah, I'm alright, won't go pro anytime soon" he nervously chuckled.

"What's this," she noticed a tape on his deck with _**For Rae**_ written on it.

"That is nothing" he tried to grab it from her hand, but she turned quicker than his reach.

"Did you make me a mix tape" she looked a him shocked as her jaw dropped.

"Yah Rae, it's nothing, I don't want you getting the wrong idea" he stammered and he tried grabbing it again, but she held him off and stepped back examining it "I just know yah like music and-" Rae was amused at how flustered he was getting and had to bite her lip to keep herself from smiling "-I just, well, I'm crap at explaining things, I'm crap with word, but I know your with Archie and I don't want yah to think I would-" Rae walked over to the stereo "-Look I wasn't even going to give it to yah!" he said stated frustrated with himself.

"That's to bad" she fiddle with the stereo as she put the tape in and Spaceman by Babylon Zoo started playing. She turned back with a sour look "Never mind, your right" she joked as she let it play as she sat on his bed and watched him across the room. She wasn't sure why he was acting so nervous. _Finn Nelson is nervous by me, a blob with a gob, a 4 out of 10, and mad fat nobody, who is just released from the lonny bin. _She laid back on his bed and closed her eyes to listen to the song, but before the song finished she eventually felt Finn laying down next to her she looked over at him, but he was well a ways from her.

"I plan on listen to every song by the way" she said and he opened his eyes and genuinely smiled at her for the first time since she arrived.

"Yah, well, I'm expecting marks out of ten for each tune" he said with a short laugh, raising his eyebrow anticipating waiting for a grade.

"It's a zero for starters" she smirked over at him, squinting her nose and eyes, and he did the same.

More songs played and Rae and Finn debated, and Rae loved it. She loved the snap, crackle, and pop banter in the conversations, and she loved that he actually made her a mix tape, regardless if he was ever going to give it to her. It was for her, songs he picked just for her. Each note on the the tape, and each lyric was a part of him he was showing to her.

"I still can't believe you made me a mix tape" she looked over at him

"Well the fact that the average score so far is a four is telling me that I probably shouldn't have" he refused to look over at her.

"You'll do better on the next one" she teased

"Don't be so quick in thinking I'll make you another one" he scoffed shaking his head.

"Finn, I expect another. You owe me two to make up for this one" she watched him biting her lip trying her best to hid her smile.

"This one is brilliant, you're just being a hard ass because you think it gets to me" he grumbled.

"I'm not being a hard ass" she said with an open mouth smile, trying her best don't to laugh, but failing.

"You gave Oasis a bloody 5 3/4" he turned, red-faced, and clinched his jaw, like he was actually mad.

"That was just because in the context of the tape as a whole it doesn't make sense, and points were deducted for creativity, Champaign Supernova has probably been on every mix taped since it's been released" she tried to sound serious, but honestly she was loving the fact he was actually getting worked up over this. "Dickhead" she chuckled as she turned her head to look at the ceiling.

"No you're the dickhead" he pouted and Rae looked back and giggled at how hard he was trying not to laugh. As the tracked changed, she treated the silence in between each song like a regroup session, she listen closely to his breathing, She was still trying to work in the fact that she and Archie broke up, but how was she supposed to just slip that into conversation.

"What is this?" this was the first song she didn't recognized, as the music started.

"You've never heard **_I Keep Coming Back_**" he sounded surprised "The Afghan Whings?"

"No" she turned her head back to look at him.

"God you're killing me," he propped himself up on his elbow "Gentlemen is one of my all time favourite albums. **_I Keep Coming Back_** _is_ what makes the album, just listen" Finn leaned in close to her, closing his eyes. Rae grinned propping herself up on one arm face him, closing her eyes just as Finn was "the guitar just adds this gut retching intensity, and Greg Dulli's voice just has this right mix of like hurt and this strange almost hope" Rae peaked one eye opened to look at how lost he was in the song, before smiling as she shut them again. She just loved how passionate he was about music like her, and she loved that she could understood exactly what he was saying.

"I like it" she nodded, and when she opened her eyes his were over-looking her, and she felt a sudden shift in the air, "a 10 out of 10" she said softly as her stare locked on his. "Finally" he rejoiced before he was quick to snap out of their gaze.

"If you like this song, you got to listen to the whole album, it's truly great" he jumped and walked over to his records. Rae sat at up and shuffled her body to the edge of the bed watching him from behind.

_He's perfect._

"I broke up with Archie" Rae blurted, but now was a good enough time as ever, just as Finn turned off the tape and the silence that the music once filled, engulfed the atmosphere.

"You did?" He tried to sound cool, but Rae could sense the nervousness in his voice, and he continued flipping through his records, until he pulled out what he was looking for and put it on. He clearly had no intention on saying another word until she elaborated.

"Yah, well, I had this thought" she looked down at her hands and began to fiddle with her hand, concentrating on the the statistic of the record player.

"About?" he asked quickly as he turned to face her, she caught his eye's quickly before she lowered her head again.

"Well more than a thought, more like this realization, ever since our kiss, I began to wonder what if you were supposed to come up to me in the record store that day," she began to trip over her words "but you didn't… and I sound mad… but what if the reason I met Archie, and everything that followed, was all just so I could meet you" she finished this personal monologue kinda now regretting saying out loud, she was always prone to verbal diarrhea. But as soon as the last letter left her mouth he was already in front of her bending down, grabbing hold of the sides of her face, before she could fully register what was happing, his lips met hers.

_Holy fuck he's kissing me!_

It's took less than a second before Rae stood up following his lips, gripping tightly the back of his shirt, and she was kissing him back now, but it was soft, and they were both blushing as he pulled away from her lips, their noses brushed together as they both, shivering under each others breath, soaking this moment up. Rae's hands slowly grazed down his back, as one of his hand left her face, and pushed a loose strand off hair back behind her ear.

"You don't have to kiss me because you feel sorry for me because I broke up with Archie for you…" she studied his face _that was__ embarrassing for me to say, don't leave like that say something else_ she cringed at he own words, leaning in to his hand that was still on her cheek "-and I know you're a nice guy who probably feels bad for me, after last night and well, now, and maybe I was wrong and everything that I felt between us, is completely one-sided, and I just looked for things that weren't really there because that's what I do I self destruct, 3-2-1 bam, oh god I'm sounding like idiot aren't I? Honestly, It was only a couple days ago I was comparing you to a-"

Finn smiled as he kissed her again shutting her up, this kiss was stronger more sincere, like he was trying to prove something. He stepped forward, causing Rae and him to fall back on the bed. Their lips didn't part for a second, Rae could feel his heart's beating rapidly as he's pressed against her, and the kiss became more heated, as his knee sneaked between her thighs, he place his arms on ether side of her head holding himself up, before he parted from her lips and left trails of kisses down her neck tracing over her skin with his tongue. Rae let out a moan, but she to far lost in him to be embarrassed, "I'm not kissing you because I feel sorry for you," he whispered "I'm kissing you because I want to" He pulled his head back to look her in the eye, admiring her, as he hovered over her, "and maybe to shut you up a little bit" he was beaming from ear to ear. She just wanted to stay like this forever, and the way he was staring at her mad her feel like it was possible. She felt beautiful under his eyes.

Now, it was her turn to make the move. She grabbed the collar of his shirt pulling him into her as there lips crashed and it made her insides curl to know that he was just as hungry for her as she was for him, the kiss was warm, his body pressed up against her was warm, it was this pleasant warmth that was making her entire body feel like it was about to burst in to flames. She wrapped her arms around his neck and running her fingers threw his hair, as his body pressed closer to her, if that was possible. The feeling of his body against her, the taste of his lips, the way his left hand slowly travelling down the side of her waist, and at the moment slowly dragging along her thigh…

Finn quickly parted when they hear the front door close "I thought you said your dad was working?" Rae sighed throwing her head back looking up at him disappointed, but he looked even more distraught.

"He is, just stay here-" he groan as he fell on Rae before he jumped off of her and fixed himself up. "I'll get ride of-"

"Hello" Rae's eyes popped open at the familiar voice and hand met he mouth to muffle the gasp "Finn, you didn't answer the door so I just let myself in" Chloe called out from down stairs.

"Why is Chloe here?" she felt a sudden rage of unreasoned jealousy.

"Yah, upstairs" Finn called as he opened his bedroom door, and he turned to Rae "She called earlier asking to hang out, and I thought-"

"Fuckin hell you asked her over for a date!" she whispered shocked and mortified as she got up from his bed, which now just felt dirty.

"No, no she asked me" he wasn't helping.

"But you said yes?" she asked and he just shrugged "Oh my god, you did. I'm a slag" she put her hands on her forehead feeling overwhelmed, realizing the situation she was acting a little neurotic. This was all happening so fast.

"Rae cool down. Just don't leave, Please," he pleaded, she didn't even take Chloe into consideration when she came here today she especially didn't think something like this would happen.

Yesterday Chloe had planed on making her move on Finn at the pub, but Rae and Finn didn't make it into the pub. They talked, and walked, and decided they were friends. Now she snogging him on his bed and Chloe thinks everything was as it was, before the sexy party. But it was not like it was before the sexy party, and the way Finn was staring at her was confirmation.

"I've wanted this since the moment I saw you" he said desperate taking hold of her hand "Please, I don't leave" he begged.

_I'm a shit friend…_

"Hey Chlo" Rae looked over Finn shoulder, at Chloe in the doorframe looking less than please to see Rae there, she let go of his hand, before Chloe could catch a glimpse of it.


	14. Chapter 14

_First I want to thank everyone who is still reading! THANK YOU xxx_

* * *

"What's this?" Chloe asked as she walked in forcing herself between Finn and Rae before sitting on his bed looking up at the two of them, both synchronized they looked at Chloe then back at each other, and Chloe's face was nothing but confusion.

"Nothing," Rae forced her eyes away from Finn "I just came to drop some CD's he left at mine after the party, I was just about to leave" she glanced at Finn whose eyes haven't pulled away from hers yet, before she lowered her head and turned on her heel to leave.

_What if this wasn't anything and he just kissed me because I was there, yes he asked me to stay… and that he wanted it… since the moment he saw me… but what else was he going to say. There was no competition competing against Chloe, because she will always win. Chloe's perfect, and so is Finn, that's who he belonged with, and that's who he really wants to be with…_

"Stay" Finn grabbed her hand, like he held before, and she felt the sincerity, as she looked up at him threw her lashes.

"No," her voiced hitched "you guys do your thing" she pulled her hand from his glancing over at Chloe who look like she had no suspicion. However, her eyes were opened wide like she was trying to send a message through her mind, begging her to get lost.

"Chloe doesn't mind" Finn insisted "Please just stay" he pleaded with the same strain just moments ago. Just a moment ago when everything was perfect, she could still feel the taste of his lips, the smell of his skin, the burn of his touch. Rae wanted nothing more than to go back to those minutes because in that short time nothing was in the way of what this might be. At least that's what she thought, because in reality Finn had invited Chloe over for a date, or to hang out, or whatever. Her stomach twitch thinking about it, and she hated that, because Finn still believed she was with Archie, how was he supposed to know that she would show up on his doorstep, and basically inform him that she broke up with Archie for him, spouting words like a mad person.

"Yeah Rae, stay" Chloe said with pressed lips trying to hid her frown, snapping Rae from her thoughts she mumbled an inaudible response, trying to remain cool.

_Well this day is a disaster…_

You could feel the awkwardness surround them, and the music that was on still playing wasn't helping, "Let's put something else on" Rae rushed to the records along the wall and began to flip threw them, she wasn't really looking at anything in particularly, she figured if she looked here she wouldn't have to look at Chloe and Finn. She couldn't look at Chloe or she felt a instant weight of guilt, and she couldn't look at Finn because he would do that thing with his eyes, which melts her brain, and make her want to snog his face off, which would make her feel guilty.

"Can you put something on with a beat, this is killing me" Chloe moaned, as Rae saw from the corner of her eye Finn turn and began to search threw the music along with her. She watched as he flipped each album, and watched his hand, and how she wishes those hands would write out all of War and Peace upon her lady bits.

_Fuck, Not the time Rachel_

"So, Archie was looking for you last night at the swan, did you talk to him after?" Chloe asked

"Yah" She said sheepishly, flinching at the subject.

"They broke up." Finn answered, and she shot her head up to look at him.

"No," Chloe gasped crawling to the foot of the bed, and Rae reluctantly turned to face her "Rae, I'm so sorry Archie is a jerk to ignore you like that. Then just to dump you"

"Well, technically I dumped him" Rae felt the need to make that fact clear.

"Seriously?" Chloe looked at her dumbfounded

"Don't act so surprised"

"Why would you do that? Archie, well, he's just he's fit ain't he, and you two got along, and he was interested in you wasn't he"

_See, I did it because I really LIKE this guy standing next to me, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone to pretend that I didn't, but don't worry no hard feelings Archie turned out to be gay anyways._

"We just didn't fit" she glanced over at Finn.

"but when did it happen? What did you say?" Chloe asked intrigued, and she knew Chloe was enjoying it, not because she wanted Rae single, or unhappy, but Chloe feed off this kind of drama, and she knew Chloe already had a list of people to tell, and things to do to help her get over him, like girls night, or makeover, or some blind date for her to go on. Rae couldn't help Finn was also intrigued, he turned and leaned against the crates waiting for her answer, with raised eyebrows with anticipation.

"I don't know, I really just don't want to talk about it right now" she tried to sound more distraught about it then she really was.

"Well, it's a shame" Finn smiled biting his lip, and he let Rae catch a glimpse of while he turned his back to continue looking threw the music.

"The best part of a breakup is the makeover after, that's what will do"

"No. No makeovers" Rae tried to put her foot down, and she heard Finn let out a little laugh which brought one out from her too.

"Rae I love that you're not obsessed with personal style, but you always look really pretty when you put an effort" Chloe stated.

_Two back handed complements in one sentence, this maybe a recorded for Chloe._

"Opposed to the rest of the time" Rae asked more timidly than she meant to sound, and Chloe looked up at her like she was being ridiculous.

"Rae stop it, you're-"

"Beautiful" Finn said and both pairs of eyes spot to Finn as his back was still to him working to find a record. Rae felt herself blush and prayed Chloe wouldn't tell the effect his word had on her, the words that clung in air, echoing in her brain.

_Beautiful…_

"Exactly" Chloe agreed, Rae for a brief moment almost forgetting she was still in the room with them.

_Well this day is a disaster._

"I should probably get going" Rae stumbled to get the words out "I forgot I have to put the tea on for me mum" she cringed at the worlds most idiotic excuse.

"Wait, I'm having a pool party tomorrow night, and you're coming. We are going to have fun!" Chloe demanded rather than asking "Nothing big, just the gang, don't worry about Archie I'll talk to him and make sure it wont be awkward, it will be like your initiation to the gang, without being Archie's girlfriend" Chloe clapped, Rae hated the idea, but she new she was trying to help.

_Pool party. Swimming. Bathing suit… Shit. Bathing suit. Bathing suit. Fat. Me. Bathing suit._

"Rae?" Chloe asked again

"Yah," she choked "Of course" she said with a little more confidence while she avoided both their eyes. "Love the idea, I'll talk to you guy's tomorrow" she left quickly down the stairs. She knew tomorrow after Finn see's _her, _everything from today would be erased. _He may see me as 'beautiful' but I'm not, not on the same level as him. He belonged with a girl just as fit as him. He belongs with Chloe. Not someone mad and annoying like me. _She didn't even bothering taking the time to put on her shoes she grabs them and get's out the door.

"Rae" she turned quickly to see Finn running down his driveway to her, which made her forget how to breath for a second, "We should talk about this" he said out of breath as he reached her. "You and me, I mean" he anxiously laughed.

"We'll talk tomorrow, I'll see you at Chloe's" she forced a small smile back, he stepped forward pushing a lose strand behind her ear, and then rested his hand on her cheek, caressing her skin with his thumb like he had done before and this already felt so familiar to her, but at the same time sent a shock down to her toes, and she knew she never wanted this feeling to end.

"Why don't I take care of this" he nodded to the house referring to the Chloe situation "and come around to yours after" she felt his other hand on her waist, taking another step closer and she felt the heat of their bodies touching again.

"My mum's having people in,and gets pretty anal about me having people over while her friends are in" she lied breathless afraid about what might happen he came over, the thought of him seeing her in a bathing suit sets off little anxiety bombs, and no matter how much she was longing for him in this moment, the constant reminder that his hand was on her waist, touching her fat, her biggest burden, her worst enemy, was not lost on her mind. Touching was one thing, seeing is another, and it was all becoming way to real.

"I'll call you than?" He said with a cheeky grin as his eye's followed his hands, tracing his down her arm and leaving her hip to entwining both her hands with his, setting her in this moment, like she was a balloon floating away but he grabbed the string pulling her back to him.

"How do you do that?" she beamed with a fix gaze, forgetting every thought before right now.

"Do what?" He bit his lip coyly.

"Nothing" She simple truth was this stupid boy was happy, she could see, she could feel it, he forced her to reciprocate it in a way no one ever could. Yes she knew he was happy, but she could quite understand it. His grip tightened around hers, pulling her attention back to earth.

"So, can I call you?"he smiled in away that made her stomach flip.

"I guess" she swallowed, and then rolled her eye's jokingly, trying to seem unaffected by the way he was looking at her.

"Eight O'clock?" he scrunched his nose, playing with her hands.

"Sound perfect" she giggled before she forced there hands to part, lightly pushed him away urging him to go and 'take care of this' as he said. She hated that Chloe was a 'this' and the problem, because in actual fact Rae felt like she the problem.

_I'm always the __problem._


	15. Chapter 15

I just want to say thanks to everyone that's still reading! It honestly surprises me and warms my heart me that you still are!

* * *

Rae ran home and immediately dug out her swimsuit that was buried deep in her underwear drawer. It was this one piece, dull blue monstrosity that she's only worn twice before. First, on the holiday she took with her mum last summer, which was the reason she bought it. The second time was last September when she and her gym class went to the local pool for a credit, and around the time Chloe began to pull away from her. Then, the idea of wearing the swimsuit didn't seem that big a deal, until the moment Rae left the changing room, and a bunch of the lads were chirping her, asking how she managed to escape Sea World, which was actually some of the less curl things. It was the first time Chloe didn't step in and stick up for Rae, and that day Rae promised herself she would never be caught dead in a swimsuit again.

She held it up and stared at it as all those memories flooded back and how nothing has changed since then _I'm still just that same fat whale_. She thought about what Chloe and Izzy would be wearing, both would be in tiny bikinis, which would be filled in all the right places, not stuff in like she would be.

She shamefully turned the opposite direction of her mirror as she went to try it on. _Maybe it won't look that bad_ she thought as she yanked it on adjusting the straps.

She held her breath and cautiously lowered her head as she slowly turned. When Rae looked in the mirror she was always very careful to avoid looking at her face and body at the same time. She liked to separate herself from _it_, and it was easier to look at if she pretended wasn't her own. First, she caught the glimpse of her arse, as she turned, and how the flab overhang like it was suffocating and trying to escape. As she studied herself front on she squint hoping to blur the image a bit, while her eye's went straight to her stomach, in which the swimsuit did zero effort to help smooth it out. She lifted her arms and pinched the hanging fat before she let them drop to her side, causing a ripple effect on her body that stung her brain. Then, to her eyes travelled down to her mangled thighs, as she lightly traced over her scars with her fingertips, and she flinched in disgust. The word Finn used to describe her earlier was now lost, just a distant memory.

_I just don't get it._

That's why when Finn called at eight o'clock like they agreed on she choked and hung up, and when he called back 30 seconds latter she forced her mum to answer and say she wasn't feeling well.

_I'm not going to the pool party._

* * *

The next day she got up, got dress and went to therapy. Her session with Kester felt long, she didn't give much more than one-worded answers. It was just one of those days where she couldn't discuss it all or she would probably crumble, and it was all made no sense because she made peace with her mom, ended things with Archie and remained friends, and Finn was perfect. But the more she fixed stuff the more it felt like a game of jenga, and it would be her fault when all the other pieces would undoubtedly fall.

* * *

"Tix, I'm a twat." Rae huffed leaning her head against the bathroom stall, where they would hangout after each one of her sessions. Rae filled Tix in on everything because she understood, she was like Rae, broken and afraid.

"Just go to the party, you'll feel fine once you get there" Tix called out from the other stall next to Rae.

"Tix I'm not going, I'll look like a fucking freak show standing next to the girls" Rae stammered.

"What about Finn" Tix argued "Don't you want to know what he has to say"

"It won't matter" Rae mumbled under her breath, as she lowered her head, hiding her face in her palms.

"Skinny," Tix pushed opened the bathroom stall, startling Rae "you got to go because it's not just you that needs this. I need you to have fun" Tix stress, encouraging her.

"What everyone laughs" Rae ran her fingers threw her hair in stress.

"Their your best friends. Why would they laugh?" She scoffed like Rae was being ridiculous, Rae glanced up at her.

"Fatty, you're my best friend" she smiled.

* * *

The walk to Chloe's was long, and Rae had every intention on skipping it… up until Chloe called to give her a run down of the details. She threw her swimsuit in her bag and a bottle of random alcohol she grabbed from her mum cupboard, and headed out. She prayed she wouldn't have to put on the death sentence suit, and no one would care or notice if she sat on the sidelines. She realized Tix was right, these five knobheads where her best friends, and she could feel comfortable around them, well, four of them. Finn was a different story.

* * *

He was the first she noticed as she entered the pool house, he was by the drinks across the room talking to Archie, who was back on to her. Finn didn't notice her at first, but he must have felt her eyes boring into him because he looked over Archie's shoulder and met her gaze. Rae instinctively looked away, but slowly glanced back up, and he was now in a daze staring at her from across the room, not paying attention to what Archie was saying. Finn shot her a warm small, but noticeable, smile as their eyes met again, and it felt like they were the only two people in the room.

"Rae!" Chloe rushed over to greet her, dragging her attention away from Finn.

"Hey, your mum let me in" Rae looked around and gathered her surroundings, and so far everybody except Izzy was already here.

"I got something real exciting to tell you about me and Finn" Chloe grabbed Rae's hand with joy basically jumping out of her barley noticeable bikini. At the mention of Finns name. _'Me and Finn' what the fuck… _Rae felt like tying a ton of bricks to Chloe's feet and pushing her in the deep end.

"What do you mean you and Finn?" she asked sounding more annoyed than she meant to be.

_Did something happen between them when I left yesterday? Why didn't she tell me over the phone when she called me? What the fuck is happing?_

"There she is" Chop yelled out jumping out of the pool interrupting them, pulling Rae out of her thought's.

"I'll tell you later" Chloe squealed, and Rae forced some sort of laugh to hide her discomfort, as Chop made his way over to them.

"Hey, Chop" Rae greeted, as he reached her and swung his arm over her shoulder."Oi, you're soaked" Rae chuckled as she pushed him off, and kept him at arms length.

"Rae, Now, I just wanted to say," he threw his arms up in surrender before he point at Archie across the room "my man Archie over there is an idiot to let you walk away, do you want me to take him down for you, teach him a lesson" Chop joked.

"No Chop, don't you think his heart has had enough" she played along, trying to shrug off what Chloe said and have a good time regardless. She just made a mental note to avoid Chloe as long as she can.

"What are you saying about me?" Archie yelled. He was now in the pool and Finn now had his back turned pouring up a drink.

"I'm saying that Reamondo here is the best girl you ever had, and you fucked it up" Chop laughed and he shouted much louder then necessary, then he jumped in the pool joining Archie, making Rae along with the others all laugh.

"I agree, definitely the best girl" Archie wink at Rae, and she did the same, only they understood his little joke.

"Right, go change into your suit" Chloe ordered

"I'm good with just sitting on the sided lines" Rae said low hiding in her shoulders.

"Get off that and stop being a weirdo, you're swimming" Chloe dragged her back out of the room towards the house.

"Actually I just ate and aren't you suppose to wait like an hour or something before you get in the pool"

"Go. Now. Spare Bedroom. Change" Chloe pushed her not excepting her excuses.

Rae found the spare bedroom, this was her first time in Chloe's new house, and it was huge, at least three times the size of her own. She closed the door behind her and dropped her book bag on the desk and began to get undressed, she was thankful there was no mirrors in the room that would force her back out from this. Once she had her bathing suit she wondered over to the closet for something to throw on as a cover up because it completely slipped her mind when she threw her bag together. She cursed herself for wearing her leather jacket here because if she wore a sweater it would have worked just fine, but to her luck she found a white robe she could throw on, and just as she was about to do so she heard the door swing open and turned quickly startled at the noise.

"Rae" Finn gasped as he adverted his eye's covering them up with his hands, and Rae looked down at her body in her swimsuit _I'm that hideous. _"Sorry I didn't mean to walk in on ya changing, I just came to get a CD from my bag. I'm sorry, are ya decent" He asked rambling in a panic like he violated her privacy.

Because of the distraction that was in front of her, she was lost on words. His eye's were still covered so she marvelled in the fact he couldn't notice her ogling him. She didn't take notice out in the pool house, but his chest was… was something that can only have been carved by the gods, and his turquoise boardshorts that hung at just in the right place. _Scratch that. The right place would be around his ankles._ She wanted to forget everything, and just take him and slam him against the wall, pinning him with endless kisses.

_Gush._

"Yah" she swallowed after a moment trying to compose her thoughts "I'm decent" she winced, and he slowly pulled down his hand and looked at her. He wasn't running and in fact it was the complete opposite. She watched his eyes travel down her body, it was a quick up down, but Rae felt it in slow motion, he couldn't take his eyes off her, and through his eyes she felt this odd sensation… she felt warm… she definitely did not feel hideous.

"Hi'ya" he smiled, and shut his mouth quickly after he realized he had been staring at her chest.

"Hi" Rae blushed, matching his stupid grin.

"Feeling better?"

"Yah, sorry about that… I just had a massive headache and went to bed early" hoping he looked at her concerned and she prayed in her mind he wouldn't question it further.

"I left a message with your mum, and I thought you would call today?" He began to shuffle his feet as he looked down, she heard a nervousness in his voice.

"Finn, I'm sorry. Today-"

"Rae there's no need to apologize." He stopped her "I'm not mad, just disappointed we didn't talk" he glanced back up at her.

"Thanks for being so understanding" she crinkled her noise.

"I have my moments-" he grinned bitting his lip "So,about that talk" he finished and she held her breath as he slowly began to walk closer to her with a smug smile that she just wanted to kiss off. With each step he took her breath hitched, and felt liked she was going to pass out.

"You still want to talk?" she asked surprised, with confusion written all over her face, as she began thinking about Chloe's comment earlier. He tensed up a bit as she did, and his face narrowed like he was thinking what to do next, before he grabbed her hand and flipped it over facing her palm in the air, and with his other hand he slowly began to trace his fingers across her palm.

Y-E-S-! D-O_Y-O-U?

She looked threw her lashes, and his eyes were already back on her paired with a warm smile. As his hand pulled away from hers, her hand fell to her side, and the robe that she was tightly gripping with her other hand dropped because it was no longer needed, because that one person who she feared most see about seeing her, didn't seem to mind.

"Rae" Izzy gasped as she entered the room, and Finn let out this less than subtle sigh of frustration, but it didn't faze Izzy "Are you okay? I already told Archie he was daft to let you go, because you are supper foxy and supper brilliant" She spoke as she threw her stuff on the bed.

"Izzy I'm fine I'm just happy me and him were able to stay friends"

"It drives me crazy when two people who are prefect for each other are too clueless to do anything about it" Izzy looking at them both with her arms up waiting for one of them to agree

"Me too" Finn smirked at Rae, causing her to blush even more, if that was posable, before he slowly backed away.

"Thank you Finn, and Archie is cluess, he should've fought for ya-"

"Finn, I'll talk to you later" Rae caught him with a smile, before he left the room, cutting Izzy off.

"Yah, alright to be continued, I guess" he said turning not missing a step as he continued to the door, with the same smirk, biting his lip, as he clenched one of his hands in the air tapping the door frame, and left the room, almost in a triumph. Rae's only thought was Finn even after he was out of sight, and even after Izzy started again.

Rae forced her mind back to earth and noticed Izzy's mouth was moving a thousand words per second "Izzy slow down" Rae chuckled.


	16. Chapter 16

After Izzy interrogated Rae about her breakup with Archie, they went back down in the pool house where the same conversation seemed to be going on and felt like it was far form over. The gang, although mainly Chop and Chloe, kept gabbing on about it, and forced everything else in her head to the very back of her mind, like the fact she was standing in nothing but her bathing suit, and everyone could see her scars, but mostly her run in with Finn seemed to help with that. _Finn..._ She couldn't find a chance to have more than a second thought about him because all her attention has been focused on the comments and questions that were coming at her so fast her brain felt like it had whiplash, and they were all too busy to notice the grins and eye rolls she shared between Archie about the subject, and when she blushed when Finn joined in the groups banter and asked if she had plan on seeing anyone else now that she single. She wanted to jump in the pool and shag him right than and there.

_'To be continued'_ She repeated over and over again _He still wanted to talk about whatever this was… Him and me… Not Chloe and Him._ However, since the moment Rae and Izzy came back out, she has watched Chloe throwing herself at him as conversation continued, with little touches, and he didn't say much, but when he did she'd laugh and agree, and there was this one moment when she clung on to his back, and clench onto him like a fucking spider monkey. There was not subtle in Chloe's advances, and Finn wasn't doing much to push her away. Which really pushed her buttons.

During the conversation Rae and Archie each had many failed attempts to changed the subject, and one failed attempt by Finn after Chloe brought up what a cute couple Archie and Rae were, which Rae was still smiling about… she loved watching Finn all jealous and red faced, fumbling over his words to change subject... Eventually Rae finally managed to guide the subject in another direction when she invited everyone to her mums reception on Friday, which all the gang graciously accepted, and after Chop made some joke about how easy it is to get with a girl at a wedding, the topic of her and Archie, like the relationship, was over.

After that, the boys decided to play water netball while Rae and the girls sat on the side of the pool and watched, like they were separated like it was a grade school dance. Chloe and Izzy didn't want to play because they thought the boy's rules were 'stupid and unfair', and Rae declined even even though watching them play she noticed they were all rubbish and could easily take them on, but she wanted to keep her distance from Finn, not only because she felt if she got in with a meter of him she'd attempt to shagged his brains out, but she felt it was necessary to talk to Chloe about everything first, and make sure she is alright with whatever Rae and Finn had. She wasn't sure what the 'big news' Chloe had about her and Finn, but at this point it didn't matter because Finn has made it clear it's Rae he wanted.

_Not Chloe. Me._

As the night went on Rae was in sitting on the edge of the pool talking to Archie when she noticed Chloe by the drinks and figured now was a good as time as any to pull her away and clear everything up. She told Archie she was going to get another drink, before she got up, dragging her feet from the water.

She passed Finn who was crouched down by the stereo, he seemed to take control of the music early on and although wouldn't admit it to, he was doing quite well, until that is she heard the unpleasant beat of 'Baby I Love Your Way' by Big Mountain. She rolled her head "Hey DJ. When are you going to give up already on the reggae" Rae smiled as she gave him a small kick tapping his ankle to get his attention.

"Until you realize your mistaken ways" Finn teased smiling like his won some game as soon as Rae spoke to him. Rae laugh along rolling her eyes as he got up, but the second she caught Chloe's glare on them from the side of her eyes she tense up.

"You alright?"

"Yah" she swallowed

"Tell me girl" he sounded unconvinced sensing her nervousness, and he rolled his lip in this concerned, but almost cheeky way, once he noticed every millilitre of her blood in her body go straight to her head.

_Girl? Where the bloody fuck did that come from!? Girl? Shit. I love him._

"I was having an alright time until I realized the companies shit" she teased him poking his side causing him to flinch and grip her hand tight pulling it away from his ticklish spot, he let go to drop her hand she quickly realized her fingers were lingering on his skin and snapped her hand back when Finn chuckled "Turn this shit off" she crunched up her nose unembarrassed as she turned on her heel to head over to Chloe pouring a drink.

_Breath. Now._

"Hey" Rae spoke soft as she approached her.

"Hey, want a drink?" Chloe asked as she was mixing one for herself.

"No, the fact my mouth is numb right now think I hit my limit" Rae giggled.

"You've been close to Finn all night" Chloe bumped her hip with Rae's, but the tone in her voice was less than playful.

"Yah" Rae agreed awkwardly, but she wasn't sure what Chloe was talking about because after the private bump in earlier she has been careful on how she would act around him, and the only words she has said besides '_No'_ and '_Change the song' _was the exchange she had with him just now. "That's actually what I want to talk to you about, and what you said earlier-"

"Me and him are practically a thing." Chloe's cut her off "It's not official, but its clear he likes me" Chloe insisted as if she was marking her territory.

A small high-pitched "What?" was all Rae managed to let out before Chop called everyone to head into the sauna and Chloe swung her arm around Rae practically skipping over to the others, as Rae dragged her feet along by her side.

* * *

She now more than ever become very aware of every touch, look, gesture, and word between Chloe and Finn, but nothing gave her the impression that they were much of anything other than friends.

_Finn definitely likes me… he's kissed me… twice… told me, well wrote on me hand he wants me… checked me out even while I was wearing this blue thing that left nothing to the imagination and he can see just how big of a giant blob I am… and he still flirts with me and it's not just being nice flirting, like he wants to get into my suit flirting… he likes me. But there is Chloe who can get any boy she wants with her perfect body, tits and face… and she has her sights set on Finn, and Chloe was never one to fail so when she wants something she gets it._

"Rae? Rae?" Rae looked over at Finn they were somehow the only two left in the sauna and she looked around in complete confusion, on how this happened. "What were you thinking about?"

"Where did everyone go?" she ignored his question, kicking herself for getting lost in her thoughts again.

"Chop said last one into the pool had to do run down the chippy and pick up" he laughed at her deer in the headlights stare she was giving him.

"Well I guess that would be me than" Rae swung her body around and laid down on the bench defeated by herself, Finn did the same and they both looked up at the ceiling as their heads met in the corner.

"I haven't jumped in either, I waited for you" he gazed over at her and met her eyes she couldn't bare to look away from him, maybe it was the heat from the sauna but he was more delicious than ever before "what are you thinking about that has you so lost?" he asked again

"You" she confessed.

"Me? What did I do to deserve a thought" He asked beaming

_Umm breathing. Just being alive. But mostly that. That look deserves every thought I will have for the rest of my life._

"I had a dream about you last night" she smiled changing the subject.

"Is that so" he chuckled waggling his eyebrows that made Rae want to punch him and at the same time snog the smug look of his face.

"Not like that" she blushed

"Tell me" he poked her shoulder

"No you'll take a piss" she bent her head.

"I promise I won't" Finn held out his pinky and as she smiled locking hers with his, as she tugged her hand away he quickly stopped her interlocking all their fingers and her heart almost skipped a beat holding his hand.

"We were pirates" she tried to sound serious

"Pirates?" he smiled mimicking her seriousness

"Yup, and we left this place just you and me and traveled the world together"

"Wouldn't work because I'd get sick of you like that" Finn snapped his fingers with his free hand

"Excuse you… I'd be the best person ever to go on an adventure with, but if you're going to be like that you can have a dog-" she smiled at the feeling as Finn gently stroke the back of her hand "-or you can bring Chloe along seeing you to are practically together" she said mocking Chloe earlier, which she regretted as it just seemed to slip out, and she felt the mood crumble and Finn dropped her hand and turned his head to look at.

"What?" He said almost harsh as his brow narrowed in confusion.

"It's fine" she lied trying not to show it bothered her "Chloe told me and I get it no hard feelings"

"Do you think I would do that?"

"No, it's just-"

"Rae, Chloe is just a mate," He assured her

"Good." She wasn't sure what else to say because she wanted to jump up and down, but thought that might be more odd then this conversation already was.

"I'm not a twat Rae" Finn stated under his breath offend.

"That could be the name of our ship" Rae laughed trying to lighten the mood again and turned on her side; she was now almost sitting up, looking down at him watching as he tried his hardest not to smile, shutting his eye's so she couldn't make him laugh.

In her life, in between the bad stuff, there has been moments of great pleasure, things that felt like a pure rush endorphin shooting through every part of her body, and although she was slightly distracted by this stupidly pretty face only centimeters from hers, and a body that made her lady bits tingle, she knew this moment was in the top three best moments _No one. It's number one_ because she could not recall a moment that felt like this one, she felt like she was on top of the world. It surprised her; she never thought she would fit so well with someone that it physically hurt to think about. Finn was quite, and good, and so kind, and when he spoke she got this twitch in her stomach, and when he looked at her, her legs would melt. He had become everything to her so quickly and although she didn't understand why, she was beginning to believe it was possible he was feeling the same thing. Rae quickly lean down and gave him a short tight lipped peck on his lips, it was nothing, but she felt the same spark as the other two occasions she had happened to find her lips attached to his.

"What was that for?" she caught Finn smiled before she sat up.

"I like you Nelson" she bit her lip mostly smiling with her eyes.

"Well, I like you to Earl" he mimicked her voice sitting up next to her barley touching each other.

"So what are we?" Rae asked hesitant, Finn didn't say anything, and she followed his eyes which began to follow his hand as he slowly traced along the side of her face pushing back a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, following to the end until he look back at her eyes and cracked as smile as he leaned in smiling into the kiss, he kissed her slow and deeply, her body ached feeling his skin on hers, and she made a mental note that she should look into getting some law passed which would entail Finn to be shirtless 24/7.

After second, minutes, or hours Rae breaks free from the kiss smiling like and idiot as he did the same, not know how her legs were swung up on top of his, and not caring that his hand was resting on her thigh "Good answer" Rae said in quick breaths as she titled her head with parted lips practically begging for him to continue.

Finn nodded quickly agreeing before grabbing her either side of her face pulling her in for another go. "Stop" Rae slammed her hand on Finn's chest, "stay there" she urged standing up and Finn eyes followed her longingly, before she backed up and swung opened the door and looked back at him "Last one has to get the chips and well I can't drive" she stuck her tongued out at him before she turned and ran out to jump in the pool and Finn quickly followed.

She immediately splashed him as he emerged up from under the water and she couldn't help from laughing as he wiped his eyes dry "You're dead" He warned as he rushed the short distance to get her, she squealed before he even got to her, and he disappeared back under the water pulling her out form under her feet down with him, she kicked for him to let her go.

"Jerk" she slashed him again, as they both came back up.

"You love it" He smirked laughing, and Rae mimicked his dopey laugh.

"Ahem" Chloe coughed and Rae realized her and Finn _weren't_ the only two people in the room

"What were you two doing in there" Chloe slurred, it was clear she was drunk.

"Sauna stuff" Rae laughed at her the stupidity of that answer.

"Whateves my parents are now gone for the night" Chloe pulled a little baggy from her bikini top "So, I think it's about time we get this party started" she cheered shaking the bag of white power.


	17. Chapter 17

"Come on Chloe" Rae dragged her best friend up stares to her bedroom, finding her way around Chloe's new house was difficult, but when she opened the door to a pink room and disco ball she just knew it was Chloe's. Rae sat Chloe down on the edge of her bed before she went to the ensuite to get her a glass of water. She knew when Chloe pulled out the coke it was a mistake and Rae should have stopped it. Chloe was already so far gone just from alcohol, but she also figured Chloe knew her limit, which is clearly not the case.

"Drink this" Rae handed her the glass as she sat down next to her.

"Thanks Rae" Chloe's head fell on Rae's shoulder. "You are my best friend, and I missed ya" Chloe stuttered, and Rae laughed to herself "Don't ever leave again because it's you and me no matter wha" Rae didn't say anything she just rested her head on Chloe's and enjoyed the silence. Praying she really meant it.

"You should get to bed" Rae suggested, tipping the water to her mouth urging her to drink it.

"I'm fine" Chloe barely muttered out.

"Just finish your water, you'll be grateful in the morning" Rae said, but she knew Chole could drink the entire swim pool to hydrate herself and still wouldn't help with the impending hangover she would sure have tomorrow.

"I'd have you know that I can have any guy wrapped around my little finger like that-" Chloe randomly blurted as after she finished her water, sticking her finger out in front of Rae's face lifting her head of Rae's shoulder, she needed a moment to hold still now that Rae wasn't supporting her, and Rae laughed playing along with her pushing her finger away from her face before she stood up and helped Chloe crawl to the top of the bed "-it's like my mom used say the key to getting a guy is to adapt to their senses, and just look at me… I am adapted to every boy's senses" Rae nodded as she proper Chloe's head up and went across the room getting a garbage can for her to have by the bed just in case.

"Chloe get some sleep" Rae laughed shrugging off Chloe's drunken rant, and watched Chloe from the doorway as she was about to turn off the light.

"I know you like him" Chloe slurred as she made herself comfortable in bed and Rae froze.

"You're drunk Chloe we will talk about this tomorrow" Rae swallowed nervously wide-eyed, going to turn off the bedroom light and leave before this conversation went farther because this is a conversation she would rather have at a time when Chloe wasn't fucked out of her mind.

"Just stay away from him okay, he's mine" Chloe ordered lifting her head.

"Chloe no one owns him, Finn is free to choose whoever he wants" Rae threw her arms in the air.

"Bloody hell I knew it," Chloe scoffed in disbelief "I saw him first, I met him first, and I liked him first so yes he's mine."

"I know you like him, but it's not like you had a thing with him… you're mates" Rae tried to reason, but given Chloe's current state that was impossible.

"You're like a bloody grasshopper! First, Archie and now Finn, just hopping on whatever dick comes your way" Chloe glared at her like she was digested in Rae.

"Do you hear yourself that doesn't even make sense, I haven't hopped on anyone's dick," Rae narrowed her eyes annoyed as she began to exit the room again. She knew this conversation would be erased from Chloe's memory, but she didn't want to hear a slip of the tongue from Chloe side that would make her resent her best friend.

"Don't even bother trying it's not even a competition between you and me" That was enough to make Rae turn around.

"Yah, you know what your right because I've already won" Rae shot back just as quick and watched Chloe's face fall, which made it incredibly hard to feel like she won anything.

"You couldn't let me happy could you, you walk in and all the boys just love Rae. Rae this, Rae that… Rae, Rae, Rae. But what about me, why can't I catch a fucking break, why couldn't I just have this one thing without you making all about you?" Chloe cried out.

"Are you kidding me" Rae looked at her dumbfounded "please tell me you're kidding?"

"Fuck off" Chloe slurred

"No, you're right it is all about me. In the twelve years we've been friends, it's been the fucking Rae show featuring Chloe, hasn't it?" Rae waited for her to say something, but Chloe just barred her head in her knees, so she took that as a sign to continue "Like when you would ditch me, bossed me around, and treated me like shit for years. I didn't say anything or get mad because what if you didn't take the bullshit like I did and you ditched me for good" Rae sneered.

"Stop" Chloe mumbled in her knees, but Rae ignored Chloe's plea

"How about when I was always there for you every single time you called, but whenever I called, you would only talk to me when it was convenient to you. You never cared, and the time in-between when I saw you or spoke to you got longer and longer, and you put zero effort to reach out" Rae was almost yelling as she finished.

"You didn't call me either, don't put that on me. Don't" Chloe glared up at her as she raised her head.

"I was away for four mouths and you didn't even notice" Rae let out a short laughed in disbelief.

"Stop" Chloe begged.

"No we're doing this. You want to know where I was because I sure as hell wasn't in France" Rae threw her arms in the air letting them fall back to her side.

"Stop"

"Because when my entire world was falling to shit" Rae slammed her hand on her chest before she waved it in Chloe's direction "my best friend wasn't there to help me through it, no one was there to notice. No one noticed me-"

"I said stop!" Chloe stretched cutting her off, and if the gang downstairs didn't hear them before they did now. "I know where you were. I know. I don't want to fucking hear it" Rae didn't say anything, she couldn't, she just stared at her from the other end of the room feeling all the air around her disappear. Once she caught a small breath of air, she flicked off the light as she turned on her heel and left, as if it was in slow motion. The only thing that gave her the ability to move was the fact that Chloe wouldn't remember this, Rae took a moment resting her body against the wall trying to compose herself.

_Chloe knew? How the hell did she know? Why didn't she say anything?_

* * *

"Everything alright?" Finn asked as she walked backdown stairs in the living room, Finn was now dressed, and Rae also changed out of her suit before she came down, she noticed the rest of the gang had already left, which was probably best.

"She'd been watered and planted, just keep her out of direct sunlight" Rae laughed awkwardly sitting next to Finn on the couch.

"Does she do this a lot?" Finn watched her concerned.

"How should I know? You would know more than me… I haven't been around much this year." She looked down anxiously pulling at the sleeves of her shirt "Where is everyone?" she asked keeping her head down trying to change the subject.

"They headed out, I wanted to wait for you and walk you home" Finn lowered his head to find her eyes, bringing a small smile to her face. Every second she was falling for this guy more and more.

"I think I better stay here" Rae broke the gaze "Her parents aren't coming back tonight and she's pretty drunk she shouldn't be alone"

"You're a good friend" Finn nudged her shoulder with his, looking for a smile.

"No I'm not" Rae scoffed at herself.

"You don't give yourself enough credit" he smirked, looking for a smile that he didn't get.

"You know when we were little there was this kid that lived next door to Chloe, he was just a bit older than us... one day I was at her house, and were playing outside and this boy started chirping us. He called me cow, fatty, useless tosser-"she glanced over at Finn and noticed he smile disappear, he was leaned fowled with a narrow brow, almost like her words cased him pain, but she kept going "-and I was the one who ran and cried, and she would chase after me and tell me to forget him and not care what boys or anyone though of me because I was brilliant, and because she wouldn't be my friend if I wasn't brilliant" Finn's face brighten a little as Rae's did "but the thing is" she gulped "that stupid prick dug just as hard into her. But she didn't flinched she never batted an eyelid, she was strong and always made sure I was alright... Chloe is so good at concealing things and hiding, but I know her, and I know that she has so much love in her heart that is scares her to death. That's why I'm a shit friend" up to this point Rae hadn't cried, mainly because she was to pissed off to, but before she reached the end of her rant, she realized tears had been stream down her face, which Finn worked had to wipe away before her pulled her into him wrapping his arm around her, she barried her head in his shoulder.

"You're not a shit friend" Finn assured her stroking her hair.

"I am." Rae pulled back "I would always be wrapped up in whatever drama I was in, and forget Chloe"

"It doesn't make you a shit friend, it makes you a person" Finn shrugged, and Rae fixed a gaze like she was searching his eyes for all the answers to her problems.

"Up until a couple of days ago I thought you hated me" she said narrowing her eyes, but never pulling away from his stare.

"I never hated you?" he grinned, shaking his head like it was a ridiculous statement.

"Why? Because frankly I was kind of a twat fifty percent of the time" she urged for an answer

"Yah, but I was a dickhead the other fifty" he chuckled

"Finn I need to know why you like me?" she asked and watched as he lowered his head, but she never stopped watching him, she can't remember blinking since this conversation started, she looked at him for anything that would make _her_ and _him_ make sense.

"I guess it's because you're real" He looked back up with a little wince, like he wasn't satisfied with his own answer.

"Oppose to Chloe and other girls who are figments of imagination?"

"No, I don't know I'm shit with words, I just like you, you seem to got it all figured out" he blushed with a warm smile.

_All figured out… That's bollocks._

"Just now I blamed Chloe for not being there for me for pushing me out, and that was a shitty thing to do because I pushed her out I was the one afraid to let people in… so I avoid everything. Chloe, my mum because I couldn't believe that anybody could love me." He lifted her chin with his fingertip so she would look him in the eye, then he leaned in and gave her a kiss on the forehead, "You are loved" his smiling eye's peered into her like she had, and she let her head fall on his shoulder.

_This is it. I have to tell him._


End file.
